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The Neff Zone is a column by Jim Neff published weekly on the Cadillac News editorial page. The columns are archived here after they appear in the Cadillac News print edition. Click on the headline to read an entire column. |
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BE A REAL FAN OF HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS -- August 23,
2008 The start of a new school year means that high school sports are once again in full swing at the state’s 762 high schools. Student-athletes and coaches all over northern Michigan will be trying their utmost to be the best possible representatives of their schools and communities. Officials and referees will be doing their best to ensure a level playing field for all. This takes a lot of effort and tremendous dedication. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: Volume 21 --
August 16, 2008 OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. As always we begin with an item from Big Rob’s stomping grounds of Flint. It seems that manhole covers, aluminum siding, copper tubing and catalytic converters have now become small taters for Flint thieves. Last week someone stole a whole school bus. |
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DRILL NOW? EASIER SAID THAN DONE -- August 9, 2008 The mantra of those who want to increase domestic drilling is: "Drill here, drill now, pay less." It’s a nice phrase, it has a good beat, and it’s easy to dance to. Unfortunately, like most political sound bites, nothing is that simplistic. |
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FACTS FROM THE CRATE -- August 2, 2008 It's time once again to dive into the crate beneath my desk to see what's been accumulating...Despite all the gum flapping about Iran helping terrorists and having nuclear ambitions by the Bush administration, the plain fact is that U.S. exports to Iran have grown tenfold during George W. Bush's years in office. |
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HOW MUCH ARE YOU WORTH? -- July 26, 2008 Outta the Zone…Have you ever wondered how much you are worth? According to the U.S. government’s Environmental Protection Agency your life isn’t worth as much as it used to be. |
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THE BIG PANTS CRACKDOWN -- July 19, 2008 Things are tough in Flint. You would think city officials and the police would have more than enough work to do and problems to solve. Well, sewer grate breath, you would be wrong. Flint’s police chief, David Dicks, has decided that his force would embark on a mission to rid the city of baggy pants. Anyone exhibiting this fashion statement could face 93 days to a year in jail and up to $500 in fines. |
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BILLIONS, ICE, AND MEALS ON WHEELS -- July 5, 2008 Outta the Zone…There a lot of numbers being thrown around these days, particularly when it comes to government spending. It brings to mind my favorite quote from a politician about spending: "A billion here, a billion there and pretty soon you’re talking about real money." But how many of us has any concept of what a billion actually is? |
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THE OIL GAME – FINALE -- June 28, 2008 Making sense out of the casino game that is the worldwide oil market is about as easy as sorting wildcats. In researching this whole series I have come to one inescapable conclusion – the "suck and burn" era of energy is coming to an end. In short, suck and burn needs to be replaced with generated energy. |
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THE OIL GAME – PART 3 -- June 21, 2008 In two previous columns I’ve presented the argument that the current run up in world oil prices are due to more than simple supply and demand. Most of the speculation that is inflating the oil market right now is being done by huge international hedge funds. |
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THE OIL GAME: Part 2 -- June 14, 2008 Last week I offered the opinion that the current skyrocketing prices for oil and gasoline cannot be attributed to the supply and demand theory. I also took issue with the oil industry’s assertion that gasoline prices are high because of a lack of refinery capacity. Claims of oil and gasoline price manipulation have been ongoing since the first well was drilled, but in the last decade manipulation has become an art form. |
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THE OIL GAME -- June 7, 2008 For the next couple of columns we’re going to be talking about the oil game. Make no mistake, the price of oil and gasoline is one big casino game. Economists may tell you that prices are being set by supply and demand, but they are wrong and I can prove it. |
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SITES TO SEE ON THE WEB -- May 31, 2008 I was talking to a reader recently and she asked when I was going to do another column about interesting websites. So as a public service here are some websites that I’ve found useful, entertaining, or interesting. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: Volume 20 -- May 24,
2008 OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. As always we begin with an item from Big Rob’s stomping grounds of Flint. |
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A LESSON IN GENEROSITY -- May 17, 2008 You can be proud to be an American because when it comes to helping the world’s hungry the United States has no peer. Regardless of who is the president, which political party is in power, or the situation at home, the U.S. does its best to aid the world’s hungry. |
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TAX EVASION, NASCAR, AND BARBEQUE RULES -- May 10,
2008 Outta the Zone…The General Accountability Office says that 60,000 firms owe the federal government almost $8 billion in unpaid taxes. Worse, the GAO said that some government contractors were given new contracts when they had not paid their taxes or, in some cases, even filed a tax return. |
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A DAY AT THE ZOO -- May 3, 2008 Ah, spring is here. What better time to take a trip down to Royal Oak to visit the animals at the Detroit Zoo? Then there’s the cost. Gas at nearly $4.00 per gallon, $11 for a zoo ticket, $5 for parking, $4 if you want to ride the railroad from the parking lot to the zoo entrance, snacks; you could easily drop $250 or more for your family’s outing. There is an alternative, however. You could visit the Baghdad Zoo. It only costs 20-cents for admission and American taxpayers have generously funded five years of new animal purchases, refurbished exhibits, and zoo keeper training. |
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THEY SAID IT -- April 26, 2008 I’ll just bet that sometimes when you open the Cadillac News and turn to this column you wonder if I’m ever going to stop flapping my gums and give someone else a chance to get in their two cents. Well, the fact of the matter is that I like to read what other people are saying too, so as I collect information for this column I also collect quotes. Here’s a random sampling of what "they" are saying "out there." |
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GOING, GOING…OUTSOURCED -- April 19, 2008 How’s that outsourcing working for you? In the March 31, 2007 Neff Zone column, I essentially asked that question. I also said: "I would argue that every job outsourced from our shores diminishes our capacity (bit by bit and miniscule piece by miniscule piece) to stand on our own two feet and hence defend ourselves. So I ask, when does outsourcing become treason?" |
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YOU PUMP, THEY SKI -- April 12, 2008 Outta the Zone…When you your fill up your gas tank do you ever wonder where the money you’re spending will eventually go? I have at least a partial answer. The world’s longest indoor artificial ski slope is going to be built in Abu Dhabi. The alpine-themed ski complex will be two kilometers long, 200 meters wide, and will have ski lifts and five slopes. The projected cost is a paltry $1.5 billion. |
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NO PASSPORT? THEN NO PERCH FOR YOU! -- April 5, 2008 "Drop those perch and reach for the sky!" This may sound like an odd expression, but thanks to your federal government it’s a refrain that may be heard on the great lakes this fishing season. Why? Because if you’re a fisherman without passport you may be in violation of federal law, thanks to those diligent agents at the Homeland Security Department. |
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I DIDN'T KNOW THAT! DID YOU? -- March 29, 2008 Sometimes I run across things that fall into my "I didn't know that" category. A lot of the time I wonder if I'm the only one out of the loop. That said, here are some recent items that constituted "news to me." |
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MARCH MADNESS -- March 22, 2008 It must be March because people have gone bonkers. Spring has supposedly sprung except that it still looks like winter and we’re all cranky from extreme cases of cabin fever. That’s why when things happen that make no sense at all we merrily go along for the ride. It’s called March Madness. |
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THREE ITEMS OF POSSIBLE INTEREST -- March 15, 2008 I have three items to offer for your consideration today. They are random in that any one of the items does not relate and any of the other items. All just spilled willy-nilly out of my brain, a condition first recognized by the nuns at Flint St. Luke’s, although they would deny hitting me on the noggin with rosary beads had in any way contributed to the malady. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: Volume 19 -- March 8,
2008 OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. You may recall back in October we brought you the story about Flint Southwestern High School letting two felons play in a high school football game on sort of a play-release program. Well, that fine young man has now been charged with larceny from a building by a Flint District Court magistrate, a felony punishable with up to four years in prison. |
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NOTHING BUT THE FACTS -- March 1, 2008 It’s time to dive into the crate beneath my desk again to see what illuminating tidbits have accumulated. These factoids are just what you need to impress your friends and entertain your family. So, if I may paraphrase Joe Friday of the old Dragnet series, ‘Here are the facts, nothing but the facts." |
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SKI HELMET LAW WRONG HEADED -- February 16, 2008
Proposed legislation in the Michigan House could have a dampening effect on northwest Michigan’s winter tourism industry. House Bill 5628 seeks to amend the Ski Area Safety Act to include this: "A skier shall wear a helmet…while on a ski slope." Legislation singling out skiing specifically as a recreational activity that should require mandatory helmet use is misguided (even if well-intentioned). |
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HANG ONTO YOUR GAS TANKS, HERE WE GO AGAIN --
February 9, 2008 Outta the Zone… Here we go again. Exxon Mobil Corp. has shattered its own record as the world's most profitable publicly traded corporation with a 2007 net income of $40.6 billion. With this in mind, what do we have to look forward to this summer? Experts are predicting pump prices will soar as refiners and gas stations switch from winter to summer-blended fuels, a process which could push the average national price to a record $3.50 a gallon or more by June. |
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PICKING PRESIDENT NO EASY TASK -- February 2,
2008 It’s no easy task figuring out which candidate best fits your own personal requirements for the job of President. Well, as if you’re not already more confused than need be, that new fangled Internet thingy has two interesting sites to visit that supposedly will help you determine your perfect candidate for President. |
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TWO PROPOSALS COULD DRAMATICALLY CHANGE HIGH
SCHOOL SPORTS -- January 26, 2008 A couple of proposals are being discussed that could dramatically change high school sports in Michigan. While neither is ready for immediate implementation, high school sports athletes, parents of athletes, fans and even the general public might want to pay close attention. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: Volume 18 --
January 19, 2008 OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. We usually begin with an item from Big Rob’s stomping grounds of Flint, but this time around he’s more concerned with a national item. |
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HILLARY, WILLARD, AND SOME GADGETS -- January 12,
2008 Outta the Zone… The big news this week came out of the New Hampshire primary. Some of my Republican friends seem to be in a state of confusion, as someone named McRomHuckiani seems to be their leading candidate for president...there is only one person in America who can reunite the Republican party and assure a Republican victory in 2008. Her name is Hillary Clinton. |
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WHAT HAPPENED WHILE WE CELEBRATED -- January 5,
2008 The holidays are now behind us so it’s back to work for this column. While we were devoting our thoughts to holiday themes the real news marched on. Now it’s time to catch up on the important developments that occurred during our hiatus from reality. |
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COURTESY GOES A LONG WAY ON THE CADILLAC PATHWAY
-- December 29, 2007 I know the Cadillac Pathway is a multi-use trail and that it’s open to the public. I’ve heard all the justifications by non-skiers about why they should be able to do anything they please on the trail. However, we’re not discussing legalities here, we’re talking about exhibiting some basic common courtesy toward your fellow citizens. |
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TOUGH SLEDDING FOR SANTA -- December 22, 2007 If there is one person who should be flying high this time of year you'd think it would be Santa Claus. After all, most of us would think that he has a pretty good gig. Santa only works one day a year and even then he pretty much gets unlimited cookies and milk. Ah, but not so fast reindeer breath. It turns out that even Santa is having some tough sledding this holiday season. |
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ANSWERS PROVIDE GIFT IDEAS -- December 8, 2007 Last week’s column about gifts for geeks generated a fair number of comments. Many people asked for more gift suggestions and that got me thinking. I’m often asked "how to" or "where do I get those" questions and answering those requests might actually lead to an idea for a unique gift. So, here are some of the questions I’ve been asked and my answers. If that results in a gift idea, all the better. |
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LOOKING FOR A GEEKY GIFT? -- December 1, 2007 By now you’re all shopping for the perfect gift for that special someone. Well, if that person is a geek, and I mean that in the most complimentary sense of the word, finding something they might actually like is not all that easy. There’s a good chance they are about a hundred gadgets ahead of you on the geek-o-meter scale, so finding something unique is mostly a losing proposition. Have no fear, however, because I’m here to help. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFFING: VOLUME 17 --
November 24, 2007 This is the fourth holiday season for the Neff Zone column. My practice has been that between Thanksgiving and Christmas good cheer should reign in the Zone. So, in the spirit of the season all things serious will take a holiday hiatus. To that end, kidlings, it’s time for a special edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff(ing). |
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SELF-CHECKOUT IS NOT FOR ME -- November 17, 2007 I loathe self-checkout machines. I absolutely detest self-checkouts and every confrontation I have with the infernal contraptions does nothing but drive me deeper into despair. |
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CRATE DIVING -- November 10, 2007 In preparation for this column I accumulate a lot of material, which I put in a large crate beneath my desk. Every once in a while it’s interesting to see what has accumulated in the crate that never made it into one of my columns. So, kidlings, let’s go crate diving this week and see what treasures we find. |
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WANT TO IMPROVE MATH SCORES? TAG, YOU’RE IT. --
November 3, 2007 The "Waist Management" article in a recent Cadillac News really caught my attention because that same day I was thinking about the No Child Left Behind program. You wouldn’t guess the two topics, one about childhood obesity and the other about academic achievement, would be related but they are. |
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BANG YOUR HEAD REPEATEDLY -- October 27, 2007 It’s time for another head banging session. This is where we look at topics that make you want to invoke the lyrical refrain from the old rock band Quiet Riot: "Bang your head, mental health will drive you mad." Leading off is some news from the animal kingdom. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: Volume 16 --
October 20, 2007 OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. For this edition we’re going to add a wrinkle – all the items are about sports. As always we begin with an item from Big Rob’s stomping grounds of Flint. |
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THE ROLLING HELMET THEORY -- October 13, 2007 Outta the Zone…Last weekend my friend, Frank, and I were discussing the battle over Michigan’s budget and the ensuing agreement. "I’m so disgusted over the way they (Lansing politicians) handled this thing I’ve decided that I’m not going to vote for any incumbents in the next election and that goes for Democrats and Republicans alike," he fumed. I think he may be onto something. |
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OUR 4-YEAR-OLDS ARE IMPORTANT TOO -- October 6,
2007 On September 18 the Michigan Department of Education in effect threw the 4- year-olds of northern Michigan under the school bus. In a memo to all state school districts from the office of Preschool and Early Elementary Programs, the DOE in essence said the 4-year-olds of downstate Michigan are more important than the 4-year-olds of northern Michigan. |
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CONJUCTION JUNCTION AND GOAT JUSTICE --
September 29, 2007 Outta the Zone…Remember those Schoolhouse Rock ditties you enjoyed while watching Saturday morning cartoons as a kid? Well, thanks to that newfangled Internet thing you can enjoy those catchy and educational tunes all over again. |
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DID YOU KNOW? -- September 22, 2007 If you pay attention while reading the newspaper it’s amazing what you can learn. These items can usually be tucked away in your brain’s "did you know" file so you can dazzle your friends and family with semi-useful information when they least expect it. |
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FELONY FOOTBALL AND OTHER STORIES TO WATCH --
September 15, 2007 Should a convicted felon now serving time in jail be allowed to play in a high school football game? No, this is not a trick question. It’s just one of the stories I’m following because I’m interested in the outcome. |
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JIMMY’S EXCELLENT L.A. ADVENTURE -- September 8,
2007 Over the Labor Day weekend I traveled to Los Angeles to visit my brother, Big Dave. I’ve been there before but regardless of that I’m never ready for the culture shock. |
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NEWS AND COMMENTARY -- September 1, 2007 One thing I like about the news is that almost every story can be a launching point for an opinion. Here are some of the recent news items that have caught my eye and my take on them. Let’s start with the Michael Vick dog murder story. |
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BE A REAL FAN -- August 25, 2007 The start of a new school year means that high school sports are once again in full swing. Student-athletes all over northern Michigan will be trying their utmost to be the best possible representatives of their schools and communities. The best way to support their efforts is to be real fans, not false ones. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: Volume 15 -- August
18, 2007 OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. We’ve already told you about the items thieves are stealing in Flint. Well, we have a new leader in the "How lowdown can you be?" category. |
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OUT OF THE ZONE -- August 11, 2007 Outta the Zone – What a kick in the diapers. The Journal of Pediatrics reports that those pricey educational videos that are supposed to make our infants smarter may actually be making them dumber... |
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ON THE EDUCATION FRONT -- August 4, 2007 With a new school year just around the corner it’s a good time to take a look at some news about education. First up is the proposed new school calendar for all Michigan schools which will put all school districts on the same schedule – same start and end dates, same breaks, same holiday vacations. In theory this sounds pretty straight forward and simple. Not so fast, my friends. |
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THE DOTS ARE JUMPING BEANS -- July 28, 2007 I’m a big fan of "connecting the dots," but as I read reports and quotes about Iraq, many from our own generals and leaders, I’m convinced that those dots have morphed into jumping beans. Do I know what’s really going on? Nope. Do our leaders know what’s really going on? Apparently, nope, because how do you then explain these beans? |
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LITTLE THINGS DRIVE ME CRAZY -- July 21, 2007 As I go deeper into my life span I’m beginning to realize that the big things seem to take care of themselves in the long run, but it’s the little things that drive me crazy in the short run. I know they say "don’t sweat the small stuff," but that everyday minutia just seems to set me off. Here are a few examples. |
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PLAIN SPEAKING NEEDED -- July 14, 2007 There’s a line in the "Maltese Falcon," a movie starring Humphrey Bogart. Bogie raises his glass in a toast and says: "Here’s to plain speaking and clear understanding." A couple of items in the news this week’s news reminded me how easy it is to stray from that common sense bit of wisdom. |
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WHAT’S NEXT, THE iCAR ? -- July 7, 2007 Being a pedestrian or bicycle rider in Cadillac means you’re in the cross hairs whether you realize it or not. On my daily walks I feel like I have a target on my back because not a week goes by that I’m not sideswiped by some idiot driver talking on a cell phone. |
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4TH OF JULY THOUGHTS -- June 30, 2007 With the 4th of July holiday this week it’s a good time to comment on some summertime topics: Gasoline prices, Chinese tires, tattoos for Seniors, and wisdom from Grandpa Simpson. |
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YOUR TAX DOLLARS FLUSHED AWAY -- June 23, 2007 You’ll need to put on your thinking cap for this one. Make a mental list of all the ways the federal government spends your tax dollars. Now, go up and down the list and see if there’s an item marked "World Toilet Summit." I have a hunch that not one person reading this column has such an item on their list. It’s too ridiculous for even the most cynical among us to contemplate. |
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CAN THE SMALL TALK WITH THESE BARBEQUE TOPICS --
June 16, 2007 Here’s the deal. Summer is here which means you’ll inevitably attend a gathering known as a "barbeque." Chances are you’ll eventually find yourself sitting in a circle around copious amounts of sizzling meat, frosty beverage in hand, trying to maintain consciousness while what’s called "small talk" is bandied about. As a public service, I offer some barbeque-worthy topics sure to enhance any mammal charring party. |
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MAKING SENSE OF AIRFARE NONSENSE -- June 9, 2007 I’ve been known to rant about the current state of air travel in this country. Just when I think the airlines have done about everything imaginable to make air travel more mind boggling, they seem to find another way to make me take the palm of my hand and "thud" it into my forehead. One such occurrence happened over the Memorial Day weekend as I traveled from Grand Rapids to Seattle. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: Volume 14 -- June 2,
2007 OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. As always we begin with an item from Big Rob’s stomping grounds of Flint. We’ve already told you about the items thieves are stealing in Flint. Now a new item has been added to the hit list – air conditioning units. |
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FOR THE PEOPLE -- May 26, 2007 Whatever happened to "For the People?" That’s the question asked on the first track of "Rock Patriot," a new album by noted Michigan rock and roll legend Mark Farner. You know what? It’s a really good question and a keen observation. |
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DEATH BY LIGHT BULB? -- May 21, 2007 If you’ve purchased one or more of those new CFL bulbs (compact fluorescent light), the squiggly-looking light bulbs that can supposedly save us money and at the same time save the planet by lowering energy use? Then stay away from me because you, your house, your kids, and even your dog could be lethally contaminated. |
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BANG, OUCH, YIKES! -- May 12, 2007 Bang your head, mental health will drive you mad…Today I’m announcing a new feature for this column – news that makes you want to "bang your head." You know what I’m talking about, news so mind boggling, frustrating and irritating that it makes you want to take the palm of your hand and smack it into your forehead while screaming "yikes" (or a variation thereof) at the top of your lungs. So, without further ado, here we go. |
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CADILLAC AMONG THE TOP 101 -- May 5, 2007 With all the coverage of depressing news these days, it’s nice to be able to report some wonderful, uplifting news for a change. To wit, Cadillac has been designated as one of the top "unspoiled places to visit, live and play" in the United States. |
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THE FACTS, JUST THE FACTS -- April 28, 2007 Young old timers who remember the old Dragnet show on radio and television may recall one the main character’s signature requests: "Gimme the facts, ma’am, just the facts." Sergeant Joe Friday was always straight to the point. He didn’t have time for anyone’s conjectures or opinions.That said, here are some facts I’ve collected that, for one reason or another, I found interesting. |
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SOMETIMES WE’RE NOT SO SMART -- April 20, 2007 Outta the Zone…Sometimes we are not a smart as we think we are. At least that’s the conclusion reached by a recent study by the Pew Research Center. The study found that in spite of "a 24/7 flood of news" via print, television, radio, and the Internet, "Americans know about as much about the basic facts of civic life today as they did two decades ago." In fact, in some instances the study found we actually know less. |
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YOUR MONEY FOR THIS? -- April 14, 2007 How many times have you heard some government official claim that there isn’t enough money to do a particular thing? Times are tough, we’re told. Can’t afford health care for our citizens, proper treatment for our veterans at Walter Reed and in V.A. hospitals across the land, security for our borders, to fulfill our obligations for hurricane victims…you name it. But you may be surprised what we CAN afford. |
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WAR TAX NEEDED ? -- April 7, 2007 Recently, President Bush told Americans that "we need to stay the course" regarding the war in Iraq. Now, you could argue that Iraq is such a mess that there is no "course" to stay, but that’s really not the key word here. The key word is "we." You see, this nation is not at war, only a very small part of it is. |
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WHEN DOES OUTSOURCING BECOME TREASON? -- March 31,
2007 One of the main reasons the United States and its allies were victorious in World War II was the manufacturing might of this nation. In many respects, we had a huge advantage over our adversaries simply because we could out manufacture them. I would argue that every job outsourced from our shores diminishes our capacity (bit by bit and miniscule piece by miniscule piece) to stand on our own two feet and hence defend ourselves. So I ask, when does outsourcing become treason? |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: VOLUME 13 -- March
24, 2007 OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. As always we begin with an item from Big Rob’s stomping grounds of Flint. |
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MARCH MADNESS, WATER BALLOONS, AND THE LAUNCHER --
March 17, 2007 Outta the Zone… Well, March Madness is upon us and bracket mania is gripping the land. While you are watching the games think about the athletes whose performances will be hauling in millions of dollars for their alma maters. In terms of graduation, a player would be wiser to attend Michigan State than Ohio State. |
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HEY BUDDY, CAN YOU SPARE A DIME? -- March 10, 2007 "Hey buddy, can you spare a dime?" That old refrain from the Great Depression may be a bit of an overstatement of the current situation in this country, but in reality for many people it’s not that far off the mark. |
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TIME FOR A FEW LAUGHS -- March 5, 2007 It’s easy to feel depressed these days. Watching the news or looking at your bank account is enough to make you go screaming into the night. Ah, but you can always count on the readers of this column to come to the rescue with something to uplift spirits. I receive a regular stream of humor from readers and I thought this might be a great time to share some knee-slappers. |
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THE NOT-SO-FRIENDLY SKIES -- February 24, 2007 "They ought to run (insert institution here – school, government agency, public facility, etc.) like a business." I often hear this refrain from people who assume anything called a "business" is automatically efficient and well administered. My response is a loud "Ha!" I offer as proof of my "Ha!" one of the largest industries in the country, if not the world – passenger airline companies. If there’s a more convoluted "business" in the universe I haven’t found it. |
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DID YOU KNOW? -- February 17, 2007 As the cavalcade of life parades on by it’s amazing what you can pick up, tidbits available to be tossed into a dead spot in any conversation. |
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TIME TO BANG YOUR HEAD? -- February 10, 2007 Have you ever had a song stuck in your brain? No matter what you do the refrain seems permanently looped in your noggin’s MP3 player. Lately as I’ve monitored the news, an old Quiet Riot song has been vexing me: "Bang your head, mental health will drive you mad." This is triggered several times a day by news reports so disturbing I don’t know whether to throw up my hands and cry "uncle" or spit tacks. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: Volume 12 --
February 3, 2007 OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. As always we begin with an item from Big Rob’s stomping grounds of Flint. It seems that a woman stole 1,500 DVDs from the Genesee District Library and then sold them to a local pawn shop for $1 apiece... |
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TAX INCREASE AND OTHER ITEMS -- January 27, 2007 Items from the crate under my desk…We need a tax increase right now! I’m in 100% agreement with a letter writer to USA Today who says, "…the most effective measure Congress can take against the war: Pay for it." |
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FAT CATS AND FLABBY POOCHES -- January 20, 2007 Outta the Zone… The 2008 presidential campaign is just getting underway and already it’s disgusting. The head of the Federal Election Commission predicted Tuesday that this campaign will produce the first $1 billion race. |
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THE WAR MARCHES ON -- January 13, 2007 During the holiday respite, however, I did get a chance to listen to some radio talk shows and I was happy to learn that things in Iraq were going just dandy and that any negative reports were merely lies promoted by the "drive by media." I have satellite radio service so the only assumption I can make is that these commentators must be broadcasting from a different planet. |
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PHISHING NOT ALLOWED HERE -- January 6, 2007 As any outdoorsman will tell you, sometimes you can cast a line in a trout stream a thousand times and come up empty, but if you get just one strike and land a big one your day is a success. It’s that way with another kind of angling pronounced the same as "fishing," but this one begins with the letters "ph." It’s the cyberspace version of high tech trolling, and the aim of "phishing" is to hook a whopper. |
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THE FACTS ABOUT CHRISTMAS -- December 23, 2006 One of the reasons Christmas is so much fun is that the holiday has such unique lore attached to it. Traditions and practices join together to make this a truly global celebration. One thing I get a kick out of is Christmas trivia, little known facts relating to the season. What follows is a Christmas list of things no one really needs to know but are (hopefully) interesting and maybe even entertaining. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: HOLIDAY EDITION
-- December 18, 2006 OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. this is a special edition just in time for the holidays. |
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‘TIS THE SEASON FOR NOSTALGIA -- December 9, 2006 They say Christmas is for kids, but for those of us who no longer qualify as "kids" in a chronological sense this is the season where memories of our past kidliness comes rushing back. It’s a time to remember bygone Christmases and become kids again daydreams and fleeting images running through our thoughts. |
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THE WAR, FOOTBALL AND CAREFUL WISHES -- December
2, 2006 Outta the Zone… As of last Monday the United States has officially been at war in Iraq longer than the country was engaged during World War II (which was 1,347 days). In an interesting development it turns out that Dick Cheney was right when he predicted that eventually the oil pumped out of the ground in Iraq would finance the war. The problem is that the side being financed is the insurgency. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: VOLUME 10 --
November 25, 2006 OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. Big Rob relates the latest money making activities some stellar citizens of Genesee County are utilizing -- collecting manhole covers. |
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HEY DUDE, YOU FORGOT YOUR SKIS! -- November 18,
2006 Don’t you know it’s not winter? Looks like you need some snow. The cross country ski trail is that way. You have your seasons mixed up. I’ve heard them all, as I stroll the sidewalks of Cadillac with my ski walking poles. |
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THE RADICAL CENTER AND HELICOPTERING -- November
11, 2006 Outta the Zone…Are you as glad as I am that the election is over? The endless phone calls, mailings and television ads just about drove me over the edge. Candidates seemed incapable of producing an ad that did not include "fight" in it at least thirty-seven times. If I never hear the word "fight" again it will be too soon. |
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INTERESTING CHOICE OF WORDS -- November 6, 2006 Sometimes you read a phrase or a sentence and you say to yourself, "That was an interesting choice of words." Before you know it your mind is in second gear and it’s off to the races with your thought processes. That very thing has happened to me recently...on a couple of campaign ads for Richard DeVos. |
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MORE GREAT WEBSITES -- October 28, 2006 One of the most common requests in the e-mail comments I receive about this column is to keep providing readers with websites they can visit, whether for information or just plain enjoyment. So, here are some recent online favorites of mine. |
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NEWS CAVALCADE -- October 21, 2006 Every once in a while it’s good to pay attention to the news items that never made it to the big headlines and front pages. So here we go, a news cavalcade comprised of things you may have missed. |
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UNBELIEVABLE! -- October 14, 2006 Have you ever seen something in the news that caused you to shake your head and say "unbelievable" out loud, even if no one else was in the room to hear you? Well, get ready to talk to the walls, because here are some items that could send you into a downright hissy fit. |
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THINK THE THOUGHT -- October 7, 2006 There is no Arabic word for "compromise." Given this, what do you think the chances are of achieving a political solution in Iraq where three disparate ethnic groups are at each others’ throats and outside terrorists are stirring the pot? |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: VOLUME 9 --
September 30, 2006 OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. |
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JUST ASKING -- September 23, 2006 Sometimes I see something in the news that causes me to think of something else, which then leads to another train of thought. I often wonder if other people are on the same train or if I’m in the caboose all alone. |
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MY KIND OF ELECTION -- September 16, 2006 If you’re like me, you’re already sick and tired of the current elections. Modern campaigns have turned into nothing more than mud-slinging, personal attack ads, and convoluted fact manipulation. It doesn’t matter if you’re Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative, the whole process has become a national embarrassment. |
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SPECULATING ON A SMOKING BAN -- September 9,
2006 I’ve been following the recent stories and (online) letters in the Cadillac News about the possibility of banning smoking in the state’s restaurants and bars. I’m not going to get into a discussion about second hand smoke, personal freedom, or the right of a business owner to set policies for his/her establishment. On the other hand, I do have first hand knowledge of how a smoking ban affects the business in a typical bar and grill. |
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TOILET PAPER, THE $37 BURGER, AND SCHOOL DAZE --
September 2, 2006 Outta the Zone… I was in the grocery store the other day and I happened to pass the toilet paper section, but to my surprise it isn’t really the toilet paper section any more. Apparently, when I wasn’t paying attention toilet paper became "bath tissue." |
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KUDOS ALL AROUND -- August 26, 2006 With all the bad things in the news these days, it’s a nice change of pace to focus on some of the good things happening all around us. To that end, here are some kudos for developments that are uplifting and/or smile inducing. |
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WHY UNITY IS SO IMPORTANT -- August 12, 2006 "External encirclement plus internal demoralization equals progressive surrender." At the end of last week’s column I asked you to remember that precept for this week’s discussion. The axiom is an old Marxist mantra that summed the strategy whereby communism would bring an end to the Western democracies in general and the United States in particular. We can see the encirclement happening. We can sense the demoralization creeping in. I’ll be darned if we should sit idly by and accept progressive surrender. That’s why movements like www.Unity08.com are so critical.
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HOW TO CHANGE THE BROKEN POLITICAL SYSTEM -- August
5, 2006
 Over the past four weeks I’ve been ranting about some of the things that are frustrating about today’s American political system and the politicians who run it. By this point, though, I’m thinking enough is enough and it’s time to move on. When I began the series of rants I promised "when the dust settles I’m going to tell you how to fight back." That time has come. |
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RANT 4: OUR RIDICULOUS HEALTH CARE SYSTEM -- July
29, 2006 Nothing angers me more than realizing that although we live in the richest country on earth children will die in America (while you’re reading this article) simply because their families have no health insurance. Don’t even try to give me a "ya, but" because it’s just not right. It’s downright immoral! |
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RANT 3: POLITICAL BAIT AND SWITCH ON REAL ISSUES --
July 22, 2006 If there’s one thing that politicians are getting better at it’s appearing to work really hard but in reality accomplishing nothing. It’s the old "bait and switch" gambit where the con man puts a pea under one of three walnut shells and then diverts your attention while he removes the pea from the game. No matter which walnut shell you choose, you lose. |
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RANT 2: RIDICULOUS POLITICIANS -- July 15, 2006 Regardless of what politicians tell you about how "the system" works, the opinion of "common folks" most often expressed to me is: They (we peons) see politicians as completely disconnected from the issues that affect everyday citizens, as people mesmerized by power, money, and lobbyists and who put themselves ahead of the folks who elected them. |
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RANT 1: RIDICULOUS CEO PAY -- July 8, 2006 You’re an average working person and you’re getting really tired of getting stabbed in the back, hit on the noggin and slapped in the face by the "powers that be" almost every single day. Well, and here’s a news flash, I feel the same way. That’s why over the next few columns I’m going to rant a bit. And if it rankles a few feathers, so be it. So buckle your helmet straps and lock your table trays in the upright position; there may be turbulence ahead. Here we go. |
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CADILLAC NEEDS TO GET STACKED -- July 1, 2006 Once in a while I run across something that is so fascinating it just captures my imagination. Such was the case with a USA Today article about the new sport of Sport Stacking. Never heard of it? Well, neither had I, but upon learning that 11,000 schools have added Sport Stacking to their physical education programs and that the World Sport Stacking Championships will be covered by ESPN in August I was intrigued to say the least. |
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NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED WHILE WAITING FOR SUMMER --
June 24, 2006 Well, the first day of summer arrived this week and school is out. With all the hoop-la surrounding graduations and open houses, many of you may have missed some important news. Please allow me to catch you up on the essentials. |
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APPLAUSE ALL AROUND -- June 17, 2006 Many people complain that there’s too much reporting of bad news and not enough of good news. I heartily agree, so that’s why I say it’s time to applaud some of the good things happening all around us. |
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QUOTES FROM THE CRATE -- May 27, 2006 I’m often asked how I get the ideas and topics for this column. I have a big crate under my desk and as I find things in print that interest me, or things I write down for further research, they get tossed in the crate. What follows are "Quotes from the Crate." |
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YOUR PRIVACY IS DISAPPEARING -- May 20, 2006 The flap over the NSA’s collection of telephone usage data has caused much wailing and the gnashing of teeth over the past week. However, when it comes to data mining the NSA’s database is just a grain of sand on the data beach. While everyone is focused on the NSA, there is something far more troubling afoot in the land and it’s snuffing out your privacy. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: VOLUME 8 -- May 13,
2006 OK, kidlings, here’s another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. To prove just that, this is what actually happened to Big Rob this week, in his own words. |
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THEY ARE US -- May 6, 2006 Outta the Zone…I’ve been noticing the election ads for Republican Dick DeVos running on television. Still, I’m a bit cloudy about the purpose of the ads. In them, DeVos says that "they," meaning the politicians in Lansing, have not been doing a good job. DeVos is a Republican. Wouldn’t that mean he’s campaigning against his own party? His message seems to be: "I have seen the enemy and they are us." |
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PREPARE TO GET ANGRY -- April 29, 2006 No one enjoys being angry, frustrated and just plain flummoxed. Sometimes, however, you run across something that makes your blood boil and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Well, buckle your chin strap because I’m going to tell you something that will make you angry. |
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YOU CAN TELL IT’S SPRING -- April 22, 2006 It’s in the air. You can actually hear it – thump, thump, thumpity, thump. Of course, I’m referring to the unmistakable return of pulsating sound waves emanating from automobile stereo systems at a decibel rating around the level of a banshee beating on an empty oil drum with a Louisville Slugger whilst a chainsaw revs in the background. |
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YOUR TAX DOLLARS GET FLUSHED -- April 15, 2006 All of us get the feeling sometimes that our tax dollars are going down the drain. Well, I have proof that the feeling is, in fact, a literal reality. |
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BREAKING NEWS -- April 8, 2006 During spring break I was skiing in Colorado and, by design, out of touch with the rest of the world. When I go on vacation I don’t read newspapers or watch national news on television. The only media I paid attention to in Colorado was MTV for old people (otherwise known as the Weather Channel), so I would know how much snow had fallen. Needless to say, when I returned home I found that a whole bunch of newsworthy stuff had happened. |
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THANKS FOR YOUR TIME -- April 1, 2006 The other day my daughter in Olympia, Washington sent me the following "story." I tried mightily to discover its author, but to no avail. It’s just one of those things floating around the Net that has somehow shed its "paper trail." That said, I thought it was so uplifting that I’d like to share it with you. |
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SOMETHING’S IN THE AIR -- March 25, 2006 Spring break is now underway and with that my thoughts turn to airlines, those bastions of insightful business operations with which many Cadillicans will be doing battle between now and April Fool’s day. |
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USELESS INFORMATION OR BRILLIANCE? -- March 18,
2006 I think I’m brilliant. My wife tells me I’m delusional and what I think is brilliance is a mental condition in which a vast accumulation of useless information has taken up valuable cranium space that otherwise could be used for a productive purpose. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: VOLUME 7 -- MARCH 13,
2006 OK kidlings, here’s another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. |
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ANOTHER TWO CENTS -- March 4, 2006 Everyone has an opinion and I’m as likely as the next guy to toss in my two cents about any number of things: ports, airlines, the Olympics, and Barney Fife |
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HOW ABOUT A WIRELESS DOWNTOWN? -- February 25,
2006 Every once in a while I like to take a flight of fancy and toss an idea into the public realm to see if it has any merit. Lately, I’ve been thinking about tourism and more specifically how Cadillac could lure more tourism dollars to our environs. |
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OUTTA THE ZONE -- February 18, 2006 There will be no Dick Cheney hunting jokes in this column. It’s too easy a target. Like shooting fish in a barrel. Instead, we cover stuff about FEMA, Bill Gates, Girl Scout cookies, and the new nickels. |
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MENTAL HEALTH WILL DRIVE YOU MAD -- February 11,
2006 Sometimes as I observe the parade of life I’m reminded of the old heavy metal rock and roll band Quiet Riot. They had a song in which the main line was: "Bang your head, mental health will drive you mad." More and more I’m beginning to see the wisdom in that line. There are times when the only sane reaction to a thing may just be a good head whomping. |
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OIL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL? -- February 4, 2006 President Bush’s State of the Union speech will be dissected this week by experts far more brilliant than yours truly. There is no doubt, however, that he laid out some big goals that affect us all. The test will be to see if has the wherewithal to get anything accomplished. One of the major goals of the President is to reduce the country’s dependence on foreign oil. This is a laudable goal, one that all of us can get behind regardless of political affiliation. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: VOLUME 6 -- January 28,
2006 OK kidlings, here’s yet another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. Big Rob sent this from the Flint Journal: Kendrell Pugh has been suspended from school 55 times in the last five years. |
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STATISTICS AND MORE STATISTICS -- January 21,
2006 This time of year a lot of surveys and statistics are published. Looking back at the last couple of years there are some interesting tidbits to note. |
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DESPITE SDD, NEWS KEEPS ON HAPPENING -- January
14, 2006 This time of year, in the gloom of winter, news events tend to slip under our radar. We’re all suffering from SDD--Sunlight Deficit Disorder, so paying attention to the news of the day is more difficult than understanding Snoop Dawg on a Chrysler commercial. Say what? We can’t even claim "I lost it in the sun" because there is no sun. However, things do keep happening whether we’re in focus or not. |
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PHONEY WAR ON CHRISTMAS IS ALL HUMBUG! --
December 24, 2005 All I want for Christmas is for Fox News to shut up. This whole "They’re Stealing Christmas" campaign is a complete fabrication, fueled by hot air coming from Fox’s resident protector of all that’s good and right, Bill (I make lewd phone calls in my spare time) O’Reilly. |
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EVERYONE CAN HELP ON THE CADILLAC PATHWAY
-- December 17, 2005 Wexford and Missaukee counties hve only one (count ‘em – one) groomed cross country ski trail on public land, the Cadillac Pathway. The 11-mile Pathway has been recognized as one of the best in the state. Many of those skiers are from elsewhere in Michigan, so the Pathway is a boost to the local economy. |
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GIFTS FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE EVERYTHING -- December
10, 2005 Everyone has at least one on their Christmas gift list – a person who seems to have everything they need. No matter how you wrack your brain, you just can’t seem to come up with an idea for a good present for them. Well, your worries are over. As a public service I have three dandy, one-size-fits-all Christmas winners guaranteed to put a smile on the face of any recipient. |
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TIS’ THE SEASON OF TAKING -- December 3, 2005 During this time of year you usually read about the spirit of giving. Unfortunately, this time around, it seems like those heartwarming stories are being overshadowed by tales of the spirit of taking. |
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READ ANY GOOD WEBSITES LATELY? -- November 26,
2005 In the olden days when you talked to someone a common question was: "Have you read any good books lately?" Later that changed to "watched any good movies." These days the question is a bit more high tech: "Surfed any good websites lately?" |
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HAS THE WORLD GONE GOOFY? -- November 19, 2005 Ever wonder if the whole world has gone goofy? Not you and I, of course, we’re normal. It’s the rest of "those people" out there who seem to be one lugnut short of a tire change, a few bullets shy of a successful hunt, several mushroom soup-green bean casseroles from an official pot luck (insert your favorite cliché here). They are the goofy ones. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: VOLUME 5 --
November 12, 2005 Okay, kidlings, here’s another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. |
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OIL: WHAT IF IT’S ALL A SCAM? -- November 5,
2005 "Big oil rakes in historic profits," blared the headlines last week. Exxon Mobile posted a world record $9.9 billion profit last quarter, an increase of 75% from last year -- $4.5 million per hour, $74,900 per minute, $1,250 per second over a three month period. Now, oil company executives would tell you that it’s all supply and demand and that the world is running out of oil and there’s only so much to go around. But what if it’s all nothing but an elaborate scam? |
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EVEN A SMURF ISN’T SAFE THESE DAYS -- October 29,
2005 Outta the Zone…Smurfette is left for dead. Baby Smurf is left crying and orphaned as the Smurf's village is carpet bombed by warplanes, a horrific scene and imagery not normally associated with the lovable blue-skinned cartoon characters. These are the scenes being shown as part of a new UNICEF ad-campaign on Belgian television. |
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POOCHIES, NBA POVERTY, AND THE US of H -- October
22, 2005 My two cents worth…I’ve been following the "barking dog debate" in recent Reader Opinion letters (both in print and online) in the Cadillac News and I have another ingredient to toss into the stew. |
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ADVICE FOR A HEALTHY, HAPPY LIFE -- October 15,
2005 Americans seem to be confused. Booksellers tell us that the non-fiction genre is dominated by dieting books, cooking books, and self-help books. Apparently we don’t know if we want to be thin or fat and the conflict driving us crazy. Obviously we need some good, solid guidelines on how to live happily. |
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NOTHING LIKE A GOOD CONSPIRACY THEORY -- October
8, 2005 Don’t you love a good conspiracy theory? Well, I have a doozy for you. Buckle your chin straps boys and girls because here we go. Hurricane Katrina was no accident, the current hot theory goes. It may not have been created by man, but it was most definitely intensified and steered to New Orleans by man. The perpetrators were the Russians -- maybe the government, maybe the Russian mafia, maybe both working together. |
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NAMES AND FACES -- October 1, 2005 Outta the Zone… Doctors at the Cleveland Clinic are making ready to do the world’s first face transplant. If successful, though, how long will it be before aging Hollywood stars begin combing morques for revamped looks? I’m thinking that if Brad Pitt replaced his current face with my face his status as the most desirable hunk on the planet would plummet from number one to number bazillion-to-the-tenth power. |
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WE NEED TO PAY OUR OWN BILLS -- September 24,
2005 Your family is on the hook for $26,000 and that number is about to rise. The theoretical trickle down effect that was supposed to kick in as soon as those rich folks started spending their huge tax cut has not happened. In reality, the trickle is actually a flush and the people standing at the other end of the sewage pipe with their raincoats on are your children and grandchildren because if something isn’t done soon they will be the ones stuck with the tab. |
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FEMA, BIG OIL, AND 9/11 LOANS -- September 17,
2005 As I write this column the President has not yet delivered his speech to the nation, but I’m sure the proper acts of contrition were made. Nothing he says/said, however, will alter the fact that when the chips were down FEMA failed miserably, and it should have been a surprise to no one. |
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NASCAR NOTES FROM LA-LA LAND -- September 10,
2005 I just returned from Los Angeles. My brother, Big Rob, and I went out to see our other brother, Big Dave. As a youth Big Dave wasn’t into any sports activity, but in later life he’s become Captain NASCAR. So, as a way to stay in touch Rob and I have glommed onto NASCAR as well. That’s how we wound up at the California Speedway last weekend for the Sony HD 500. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF, VOLUME 4 --
September 3, 2005 Okay boys and girls, it’s time for another installment of "You can’t make up this stuff." The game is based on a theory proffered by my brother, Big Rob, who claims that some things happen in real life that are more bizarre than fiction – you just can’t make up stuff like this. |
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I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW -- August 27,
2005 *According to conservative columnist Paul Craig Roberts, the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ July payroll jobs report is misleading. The public was told that 207,000 jobs were created. That sounds dandy until you look at the kinds of jobs that were created. |
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MASCOTS, LULUS, AND THE JERK-O-METER -- August 20,
2005 Outta the Zone… *Let me add my kudos to those who organized Lakefront Days in downtown Cadillac. As they say, a good time was had by all, but getting the Points North band to reunite and perform was a masterstroke. The crowd was huge and the band had the place rocking like never before. It just goes to show that hairlines may fade, but rock and roll is forever. |
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ONCE THROUGH THE SPIN CYCLE IS ENOUGH -- August
13, 2005 In the absence of any real illegal immigration policy, the Bush administration came up with a new spin last week. Matthew Dowd, senior advisor to the Republican National Committee, says the immigration problem is solving itself. According to Dowd, illegal immigration from Mexico will go away in twenty years because the Mexican birth rate is declining. In essence, we’ll just run out of Mexicans who want to come to the U.S. |
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CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SAY "CHEESE" -- August 6, 2005 The other day a friend asked me where I got the topics for this column. My answer was simple – from everywhere. Like any average person who reads newspapers, listens to the radio and watches television, I’m exposed to thousands of interesting tidbits every day. For me, some of those get further investigation and get turned into fodder for this column. My real problem is not a lack of material, it’s that there’s too much to write about. Like... |
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POST LABOR DAY SCHOOL START NOT A TOURISM PANACEA --
July 30, 2005 The tourism theory goes like this: If Michigan would delay the opening of school until after Labor Day downstate families would flock north and generate millions of dollars for the tourism industry. Happy days would be here again! Hence House Bill 4803 passed by a 69-40 margin and was sent on to the Michigan Senate. |
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THINGS I’VE LEARNED BY WATCHING TV -- July 23, 2005 I watch a lot of television and I have a few simple rules that govern my viewing selections: No doctors, no lawyers, no fictional politicians, no so-called reality shows, no variety, no awards shows or all-star games of any kind, no fake sports, and (except in rare cases) no shows set in New York. By having these filters in place, I’ve eliminated most of the programming that has the potential to irritate me, thereby freeing my mind to soak up all sorts of useful discoveries. I’ve learned quite a lot from television, most of it stuff I would not have known if I had not availed myself of TV. |
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HOMELAND SECURITY AND HOME LOANS -- July 16, 2005 After the terrorist attack in London last week, President Bush was quick to repeat his assertion that it’s important for the United States to stay the course in Iraq because by fighting the terrorists abroad we can avoid fighting them at home. Even if you accept that premise, the scenes of carnage in London and the news that it was caused by "home grown" terrorists (people who were British citizens) had to make you nervous. Which brings us to home loans... |
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GM, RUNAWAY BRIDES, ROCK AND ROLL -- July 9, 2005 Why GM need to stop whining about health care...Chinese pencils...a cool runaway bride story...Rock Around the Clock... |
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WE’RE BEING SNOOKERED -- July 2, 2005 The term "snookered" means being fooled, duped or conned. Typically, the "snookerer" knows full well that they’re doing something underhanded, but they’re banking on the fact that the "snookeree" won’t be smart enough to notice or that once the snook-deed is done it will be too late to do anything about it. Which brings us to three recent instances of political chicanery that have snookered us all. |
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YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF, VOLUME 3 -- June 18,
2005 Well, kidlings, it’s time again for another installment of "You Can’t Make Up This Stuff." As you may recall, the exercise is based on a belief of Big Rob, my brother, who claims that some things in real life are so bizarre that no one would believe them if they were presented as fiction. |
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IT’S ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU SICK TO YOUR HEART -- June
11, 2005 When is enough, enough? In this country and state every time the average citizen turns around there’s another outrage smacking them in the kisser and it’s past the point of "making you sick to your stomach." |
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THINGS WE LEAVE BEHIND -- June 4, 2005 My father, Big Don, was a man of few words, but when he did dole out advice it was always on the mark. He once told me: "Son, some day you’ll get to a point in life when you want to make sure to buy good stuff so when you die your kids won’t think you were a cheapskate." |
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BE SAFE THIS WEEKEND -- May 28, 2005 This weekend signifies the real start of the summer tourism season, which means Cadillac will be invaded by the dreaded Flatlander tribe and things will get a little goofy around these parts. |
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GET YOUR M&M’S NOW, SNUGGLE WITH MARTHA LATER -- May
21, 2005 Outta the Zone...Dark chocolate M&M's, Wal-Mart's CEO, outsourcing, Martha Stewart, airport scanning machines... |
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SOMETIMES WHAT YOU’RE FIGHTING FOR IS NOT WHAT YOU’RE
FIGHTING FOR -- May 14, 2005 I must admit, I’m a bit dispirited. Back in January I wrote that the military was having a hard time meeting their recruitment quotas and I attributed that problem to a simple down cycle due to the holidays. I reasoned that the supporters of the President’s Iraq policies would assuredly rush to join the service because the Christmastime lull had passed. Well, that rush never happened. I’m stunned! |
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MY TWO CENTS WORTH -- May 7, 2005 My two cents worth on items in the news…Terry Shiavo, arms deals with the Chinese, Bush holding hands with the Saudi prince, Tom DeLay, the 5-second rule, and dollar coins. |
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SWITCHING GIRL’S SPORTS SEASONS IS POINTLESS --
April 30, 2005 In the wake of the Michigan State University women’s basketball team’s appearance in the NCAA championship game, there is a lot of statewide interest in women’s basketball that otherwise wouldn’t be at the fore. It’s particularly apropos because of the recent court case that will eventually result in Michigan high schools switching the girl’s volleyball season to fall, thus bumping the girl’s basketball season to winter (to parallel the boy’s basketball season). It’s all a pointless exercise. Why? Because the colleges are inevitably going to change when the women’s basketball season is played. |
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WANT TO KNOW WHY AIRLINES LOSE MONEY? -- April 23,
2005 Do you want to know why the airlines are losing money hand over fist? Then let me tell you about my spring break (during the last week of March). |
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ONCE AGAIN, YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF -- April 9,
2005 You may remember in a previous column I talked about a theory espoused by my brother, Big Rob. He claims that some things in real life are so bizarre that if they were presented as fiction no one would believe them. Well, boys and girls, buckle your chin straps because it’s time for another installment of Big Rob’s "You can’t make up this stuff." |
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MAKES YOU WANT TO SHAKE YOUR HEAD -- March 26, 2005 You know, sometimes you learn about something that makes you just want to shake your head. It could be a set of circumstances, a piece of strange news, or an odd act of human behavior that requires a good noggin joggle to decipher. Usually, the end result is a feeling of incredulity somewhere between tears and laughter. |
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SADDAM CAPTURED – IS BILL GATES NEXT ? -- March 19,
2005 Last week, I learned of a recently revealed addendum to the capture of Saddam Hussein. According to multiple news sources, Saddam’s ultimate weapon of mass destruction may very well have been something you have in your own wallet – the American dollar. |
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EVEN BUSINESSES DON’T RUN LIKE A BUSINESS -- March
12, 2005 Most of us are concerned about how our tax dollars are being spent, but if you read the Letters to the Editor in this newspaper you soon realize that there’s not much consensus on which "how" is the correct "how." That’s why I’m always amused when some sanctimonious know-it-all boldly proclaims: "They ought to run (you fill in the institution or organization) like a business." The assumption is that using a "business" model pretty much guarantees a smooth, efficient and cost effective operation. |
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NINETY PERCENT OF THIS IS HALF MENTAL --March 5, 2005
It’s getting near baseball season and as I’ve been looking at the news this week I’m reminded of the old Yankees catcher Yogi Berra who said: "90% of this game is half mental." If that confuses you, and it should, making sense of what’s going on with our fearless leaders in Washington and Lansing will surely cause you to take a Louisville Slugger to your head. |
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LEROY IN WINTER BETTER THAN BORING MEETINGS --
February 26, 2005 Outta the Zone… Who wouldn’t rather be doing farm chores in LeRoy in February rather than attending boring meetings on a tropical island? |
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CRIME DOES NOT PAY FOR THE TERMINALLY STUPID --
February 19, 2005 I read three newspapers a day and I’m always drawn to those one-paragraph fillers that tell about the exploits of small-time criminals. I’m forever amazed that these dipsticks will risk spending time in jail, sometimes years, in order to perpetrate crimes that make no sense. |
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WITH THIS PRESIDENT, DUBYATHINK IS REQUIRED --
February 12, 2005 In his novel “1984,” George Orwell defined a practice he called “doublethink.” Simply put, when you profess two completely opposite concepts and expect people to believe both at the same time, you are asking (or requiring) them to engage in doublethink. |
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WHEN IT COMES TO WINTER FASHION, COUNT CADILLAC’S
MEN "OUT" -- February 5, 2005 When it comes to winter clothing, I think I’m pretty much in tune with the average guy in Cadillac. I generally choose my winter garb based on the following criteria: comfortable, warm, and reasonably up-to-date. I tend to fill my closet with jeans, khakis, cotton twill or flannel shirts, and brown shoes. I love fleece, so I have about 50 fleece vests and sweaters. As long as my wife isn’t embarrassed to be seen with me in public, I figure I’m good to go. |
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THE READERS WRITE -- January 29, 2005 The most remarkable thing about writing this column is getting responses from readers. I’ve received numerous e-mails and other contacts from people who have read the Neff Zone and had a comment. I can honestly say that everyone has been polite and gracious, even those who totally disagree with something I’ve written. For the most part, though, the messages have been very supportive, informative, and in some cases downright entertaining. |
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IRAQ ELECTION TOUGH TO FIGURE -- January 22, 2005 Think with me for a moment. The United States, the grandest democracy on the planet, just held a nationwide election in November. Now consider the election in Iraq scheduled for January 30, a region that dates its civilization back to 6,000 years B.C. and has never once shown even a remote inkling toward Jeffersonian-style democracy. |
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EVERYTHING FROM CHICKENS TO SPIT -- January 14,
2005 Outta the Zone… The Bush administration is preparing a request for $100 billion in additional funding for the war in Iraq. This will bring the total spent to around $250 billion, just a tad more than original estimates of $50-60 billion. Hmmm. Can’t afford national health care. Can’t afford prescription drug relief. Can’t afford securing our borders. That extra $200 billion would have come in handy. |
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THINGS HAPPENED WHILE WE WERE CELEBRATING --
January 8, 2005 Now that the holidays are behind us, it’s time to catch up on some of the things that happened while we were all taking time off to celebrate Christmas and New Year’s. |
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CHRISTMAS IS A TIME FOR STORIES -- December 24,
2004 My grandfather was a bail bondsman in Flint and without fail on Christmas morning he’d get calls from the city jail from folks pleading to be bailed out. My favorite part was listening to all of the inventive holiday stories the inmates would spin (to explain why they found themselves in the pokey on Christmas). I think because of this, I’ve always been on the lookout for odd Christmas stories that seem to pop up each year. |
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SKIING WITH TEENAGE DAUGHTERS IS DIFFERENT --
December 18, 2004 |
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| HOW ABOUT A CEASE FIRE --
December 11, 2004 It’s the Christmas season and I’d like to call for a cease fire. It’s a long-standing tradition at this time of year. Peace on earth. Good will toward ALL men. So, I’m leaning on precedence to respectfully request a holiday cooling off period in the war of words that have dominated the Letters to the Editor of this newspaper. |
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| CADILLAC IS NOW OFFICIALLY
COOL AND CUTTING EDGE -- December 4, 2004 A while back I wrote about Cadillac’s involvement in Michigan’s Cool Cities program and I suggested some things that would make Cadillac a cooler place. Now comes word that Cadillac is even more cool than any of us realized and we’re so cutting edge the federal government has had to invent a new word to describe us – Micropolitan. |
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| YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS
STUFF -- November 27, 2004 My brother, Big Rob, lives in Flint and is an astute observer of the human condition. His theory is that humans, in real life, are responsible for situations so bizarre that no one could possibly pass off the same situations as believable fiction. He regularly calls me with news that he always prefaces with "you can’t make up this stuff." |
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| A PSYCHIC USE OF YOUR TAX
DOLLARS -- November 19, 2004 A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the huge tax breaks being given to special interests, like PGA Tour golfers, under the guise of the American Jobs Creation Act of 2004. Several readers sent comments indicating they, too, were disgusted about what John McCain called, "the worst example of the influence of special interests I have ever seen." |
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| PROTECTING YOUR COMPUTER
FROM VIRUSES, SPAM -- November 18, 2004 The good news is that there are some basic things that every home computer user can do to minimize problems associated with Internet use. These things are relatively easy to do, once you understand the plain-speak directions. From a technology standpoint, the most common problems concern e-mail spam (i.e. unwanted e-mail from people you don't know), viruses, and pop-up advertisements. |
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| PRO GOLFERS ARE IN THE
GREEN, NOT JUST ON IT -- November 5, 2004 On October 22, a bill euphemistically called the "American Jobs Creation Act of 2004" was signed into law. The worst, however, is a provision on page 598 of the bill, which is a retirement plan tax exemption for the PGA Tour, Inc. Yes, professional golfers like Tiger Woods will get a tax break that weekend duffers will certainly never see. |
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| FORGET BUSH AND KERRY, THE
STATE HAS BIGGER THINGS TO DECIDE THIS WEEKEND -- October 29, 2004
There’s nothing like this time of year, with its partisan quibbling, neighbor turning on neighbor, and insults filling the air. No, I’m not talking about the election. I’m talking about this Saturday’s gridiron tilt between the University of Michigan Wolverines and the Michigan State Spartans. |
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| GETTING THE CO-GEN INTO
THE NEFF ZONE -- October 25, 2004 In a previous column I suggested that the most "uncool" thing in Cadillac is the stack rising from the Cadillac Renewable Energy plant . As you might guess, the folks at Cadillac Renewable Energy were not thrilled by my opinion. I received a very polite phone call from plant manager James Charles who extended an invitation to visit the plant. |
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| LIFE WITHOUT TWINKIES?
THINGS ARE GETTING SERIOUS! -- October 9, 2004 It’s time for the Atkins diet people to back off. Things are getting serious. The company that makes Twinkies has filed for bankruptcy citing the carb-counting craze as the major reason. Life without Twinkies. What’s the point of living? |
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| I NEED AN EXPLANATION, OR
TWO -- October 1, 2004 I admit I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, scoring north of "butter" and south of "ginsu" in the flatware rankings. About average, I would say. I understand most things but other things need to be explained to me --- very slowly. |
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| MAKING CADILLAC COOLER,
TWO WORDS AT A TIME --September 24, 2004 I’ve been following Cadillac’s attempt to become a "COOL City," the state program that gives cities $100,000 grants to figure out how they can become "cool." Looking at the big picture is fine and dandy, but there are all sorts of little things that affect the day-to-day living environment in Cadillac and they need to be addressed before Cadillac can become a cooler place. The good news is that all of these "problems" have simple two-word solutions. |
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| CONNECT THE DOTS
YOURSELF -- September 17, 2004 The phrase "connect the dots" has been bandied about recently as politicians and news commentators accuse each other of various miscalculations. While these politicos and pundits never agree about who connected what to which, one thing they do agree upon is that it would be a disaster if you, Joe and Jane citizen, ever got control of the dots. I figure if you give most people a set of dots, they will come up with their own picture in short order, like this… |
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| AN ELECTION I WOULD LIKE
TO SEE -- September 10, 2004 Modern campaigns have turned into nothing more than mud-slinging, personal attack ads, and convoluted fact manipulation. It doesn’t matter if you’re Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative, the whole process has become a national embarrassment. Just once, before I die, I’d like to see a presidential election that doesn’t make me feel like I’ve been coated in slime from the grease trap of a cheap roadside diner. Instead, in my semi-perfect election, this is what I would like to see... |
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| THINGS I LEARNED WHILE YOU
WERE ASLEEP -- August 27, 2004 I have one of the most common forms of insomnia. I fall asleep most nights, but once I awaken I’m up for the rest of the night. Because of this, since I was a kid, I’ve listened to late-night radio talk shows. This means I have a wealth of semi-useful information at my disposal that most folks never accumulate (because they are sleeping like normal people). So, just in cased you missed them, here are some things you might like to know… |
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| PENTAGON UNLEASHES SECRET
WEAPON -- August 13, 2004 Remember this week. You’ll be able to tell your children that this was the week when the war in Iraq was won. In a stunning move, the Pentagon has called up from its Ready Reserve force a weapon so deadly that it has not been unleashed until this juncture in the war. I refer, of course, the ultimate weapon of mass destruction – the euphonium.
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Copyright © 2006 by NeffZone. All rights reserved.
