Neff Zone December 24 2004

PUBLICATION DATE: December 24, 2004

CHRISTMAS IS A TIME FOR STORIES

As a youngster, I spent every Christmas in jail. Well, at least part of each Christmas day. My grandfather was a bail bondsman in Flint and without fail on Christmas morning he’d get calls from the city jail from folks pleading to be bailed out. So, he’d scoop me up and we’d go dashing through the snow to the lockup. For a little guy this was quite an adventure and it became a de facto tradition Gramps and I enjoyed, much to the consternation of my grandmother and mother.

My favorite part was listening to all of the inventive holiday stories the inmates would spin (to explain why they found themselves in the pokey on Christmas). I think because of this, I’ve always been on the lookout for odd Christmas stories that seem to pop up each year.

A week ago one hit the news that related to bail bonds, so I was particularly interested. It seems that a man named Charlie Cook was the guest of the Harrison, Arkansas correctional facility with a bond set for an amount far beyond his means. His wife, on the outside, is five month pregnant, so Charlie sure wanted to spend Christmas with her. To pass the time he began drawing Christmas cards, and a prison minister saw them and started selling them to his flock for $2 each. The cards were so popular that Charlie made bail on December 7.

Christmas shopping stories are usually in the news at this time of year, so a report from Independence, Missouri caught my attention. It seems Karin Finley, out shopping at her local Wal-Mart, was putting packages in her car in the parking lot when out of nowhere a deer bounded across the lot and crashed into her, knocking her to the ground. She sustained a gash to the forehead and brought new meaning to the song title "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."

I like stories that tell about unique gifts and one from the fire department in Anderson, Indiana is not only a bargain but also potentially life saving. They are selling ambulance service subscription cards for $25 each. The card entitles a person to one ride to the hospital, a service that usually runs between $225-$400. This sounds a bit odd at first, but to someone who has experienced health problems and might be worried about the cost of medical care, not having to worry about the price of an emergency ambulance ride is pretty significant and a welcomed gift.

My brothers and I always hoped for snow before Christmas because we could earn money to buy presents by shoveling sidewalks and driveways – 10 cents per sidewalk and 30 cents per driveway. (Hey, we’re old and back then it was big money!) When I heard about 11-year-old Alec Nystrom of West Covina, California raking in $100 in one day I was eager to find out how he did it. Alec’s parents always warned him that he’d receive a lump of coal in his stocking if he wasn’t good. Well, Alec’s father is an artist who uses charcoal in his work and in a "Bill Gates moment" Alec had an inspiration. Maybe other parents wanted coal for their kids’ stockings and would be willing to pay for it. So young Alec appropriated some of his dad’s charcoal and opened up a lemonade-type stand on the front lawn with a sign that read, "Lumps of Coal – 50 Cents." Last I heard he was raking in so much that after he buys presents for his family he plans to buy a dirt bike for himself with remaining profits. Remember the name Alec Nystrom; we all may be working for him some day.

Ever wonder why Santa is so jolly? Last week some Highland Park, MI elementary school students found out. It seems that a Detroit man has a business whereby he dresses as Santa, has his picture taken with children, and then sells the photos to parents. Well, he arrived at the school and changed into his Santa suit in the school lavatory, but he left his coat behind. A teacher found the coat in the lavatory and in searching it for identification found a bag of marijuana. A Deputy sheriff was called in and gifted Santa with a citation good for a $500 fine and 93 days in jail. Ho-ho-ho!

Finally, parties are popular during the holidays and if you want something hip and new to serve your guests a company out of Fremont, Ohio is promoting a new product they say will make your bash the hit of the season. The K-Tini (short for Kraut-Tini) is a martini featuring an olive filled with sauerkraut. You stuff a green olive with sauerkraut, marinate overnight in vermouth, add vodka and shake. My take on this is that if you’re getting your party advice from a sauerkraut company in Fremont, Ohio you’ll need a bouncer at the door to keep your guests from leaving.

Jim Neff is a local columnist. Comments to neffzone@yahoo.com