Neff Zone Column

Print Edition: October 1, 2005

NAMES AND FACES

Outta the Zone… Oh, those zany British. The staff at the Cornwall Record Office have compiled a list of unusual names found in their records. Top among them was naval hero Horatio Hornblower, but consider his siblings: Azubia, Constantia, Jecoliah, Jedidah, Jerusha and Erastus. Some other discoveries included: Abraham Thunderwolff, Boadicea Basher, Philadelphia Bunnyface, Susan Booze, Elizabeth Disco, Edward Evil, Fozzitt Bonds, Charity Chilly, Gentle Fudge, Obedience Ginger, and Levi Jeans. Remarkable duos in the marriage records included: Nicholas Bone and Priscilla Skin, Charles Swine and Jane Ham, John Mutton and Ann Veale, and Richard Dinner and Mary Cook.

Also in England, Wal-Mart has asked the United Kingdom government to look into the market dominance of Tesco, the UK’s largest retailer. Wal-Mart’s complaint is that Tesco is so large it’s squeezing out the "little guys," in this case Wal-Mart. Tesco currently controls around 30% of the UK market to Wal-Mart’s 10%. Of course, here in the US Wal-Mart is expected to control 35% of the food-store industry by 2007, but that’s OK.

I see Gillette is coming out with a new razor called the Fusion Power. It has five blades in front, one in the back to trim sideburns, and vibrates. It will be rolled out in 2006 and you’ll be able to recognize the men who are using the new razor. They’ll be the ones with no lips or ears.

Speaking of faces, doctors at the Cleveland Clinic are making ready to do the world’s forst face transplant. Basically, they’ll be taking a full face off a cadaver and attaching it to a patient. They say the patient will look similar to what they did before because their bone structure will remain the same. Of course, they’ve only practiced on animals, so I’d observe that all mice look pretty much the same. The intent here is good – a way to help people disfugured by burns or accidents. If successful, though, how long will it be before aging Hollywood stars begin combing morques for revamped looks? I’m not sure about the bone structure theory either. I’m thinking that if Brad Pitt replaced his current face with my face his status as the most desirable hunk on the planet would plummet from number one to number bazillion-to-the-thenth power. Angelina Jolie would not be pleased but she would be history.

Hold the phone! E-Bay just spent $2.6 billion to buy the Internet voice service called Skype. The aim is for e-Bay to get into VoIP (telephone service over the Internet). Hmmm, telephone calls on e-Bay. I’m not sure this is going to work. I mean, how much are you going to bid to make a call to your mother-inlaw?

Did you see that Richard Hatch, the first winner of TV’s "Survivor" show has been charged with tax evasion and bank fraud? If convicted on all counts he faces a maximum fine of $1.35 million and 73 years in prison. I wonder if his survival skills will help him in an 8x8 cell with a roomie named Bubba.

My vote for "Snake of the Month" goes to Northwest Airlines chairman Gary Wilson who has been selling off his shares in the airline. At the beginning of May, Wilson owned 4.3 million shares. That dwindled to 1.3 million by mid June, and as of the last filing Aug. 25, stood at 646,840 shares. Between Aug. 18 and 25, Wilson sold his shares at prices ranging from $5.07 to $5.84. The last transaction occurred just a month before the company filed for bankruptcy. On September 20 the shares were at 84-cents. Of course, this was all legal. I’m sure he had no insider information about what was going to happen to Northwest. Well, at least none he saw fit to share with the workers or other investors.

We’re just about into the fall color season and many of us like to enjoy watching the trees put on their annual display. A couple of good websites are a help in tracking where viewing is best. The University of Illinois has a Miracle of Fall website with everything you need to know at http://www.urbanext.uiuc.edu/fallcolor/ and if you want an up-to-date report on Michigan specifically go to http://www.ring.com/travel/color.htm .

This week is the 30^th Anniversary of the KISS Homecoming at Cadillac High School. Relive the story at http://www.neffzone.com/kiss

Jim Neff is a local columnist. Comments to neffzone@gmail.com . Read Neff Zone columns online at www.neffzone.com/cadillacnews .