Neff Zone Column

Print Edition: March 4, 2005

ANOTHER TWO CENTS

Everyone has an opinion and I’m as likely as the next guy to toss in my two cents about any number of things.

ON THE DUBAI COMPANY’S PORT DEAL: Proponents of the sale keep saying that security will still be handled by the U.S. Coast Guard, but that’s not entirely true. DP World/United Arab Emirites WOULD oversee some of the security of offloaded containers, from the time the container arrives at the dock on a foreign ship to when the containers are taken away on trucks, a period of three to four hours. Last year, according to a report by the Customs-Trade Partnership Against Terrorism, only 13% of importers (564 of 4,357) were deemed secure by Customs officials. Plus, only 37% of the trucks leaving the docks were even sent through radiation detectors. In other words, once the containers hit our shore there are several hours where no one is watching them and once they leave the docks on unregulated trucks it’s anyone’s wild guess what’s in them. Hardly reassuring.

ON NATURAL DISASTERS: No one would argue that the handling of the Hurricane Katrina disaster has been anything but…well…a total disaster. The only hope is that we’ve learned something and will benefit from our mistakes. There’s a good chance the next big "levee disaster" waiting to happen is in California (of all places). The Sacramento-San Joaquin Delta covers 730,000 acres of farmland that help feed the nation and provides drinking water to 22 million Californians. It’s all below sea level and "protected" by 1600 miles of levees, many of which were built 100 years ago. An earthquake or big rain event and the whole place will be under water. Homeland Security Secretary Chertoff visited the region this week. It will be interesting to see what comes of the visit.

ON THE AIRLINES: The airlines keep wondering why they lose money. Perhaps it’s because losing things is what they do best. Last year the airlines lost 10,000 bags (luggage) a day, the worst performance since 1990. Delta led the pack, losing 573,419 bags. As if that’s not enough to daunt potential customers, now the major airlines are lobbying Congress to let them loosen advertising regulations for fares. They want to be able to post a fare without revealing all the extra surcharges, taxes and fees. Good for them because it makes their fares look cheaper. Bad for you because what you think may be a cheap fare might actually be much more expensive because you won’t see the hidden surcharges. It will also make it more difficult for consumers to compare fares. Imagine the passenger who buys what he thinks is a cheap ticket, then gets nailed with hidden fees, and has the experience topped off with lost luggage. How’s that for a dandy business plan?

ON THE OLYMPICS: I didn’t watch much of the Winter Olympics this time around, even though I’m an avid skier and winter is my favorite season. Early on I was turned off because the figure skaters and snowboarders started complaining about the judging a week before they even left for the games. Skating analyst Dick Button said in a televised interview that if the judging was even 40% accurate he’d be surprised. That just gave fuel to my aversion to watching any competition that’s judged; if the judging is two-thirds wrong, what’s the point? Then came all the dip-stick skiers and boarders, like Bode Miller and Lindsey Jacobellis, who let it be known that performing your best was less important that enjoying the Olympic experience. Translation: ‘Gee, thanks for the all-expense paid vacation in Italy.’ These two dimwits would have you believe that just having fun was the goal, right. Then why did Miller sign on to do ads for Nike and Jacobellis for Visa? Here’s my deal: When you agree to take a slot on the U.S. Olympic Team, funded by donations to the U.S. Olympic Committee, you effectively agree to do your best and represent your country in an honorable manner. To do less is a slap in the face to everyone who donated money to the Team, to all your fellow Team members, to the athletes from other countries, and to every little kid who looks up to you. Winning a medal is, of course, icing on the cake, but doing your very best regardless of finish is your top responsibility. If you want a vacation with no strings attached, go to Travelocity.com and book a trip on your own dime, like the rest of us non-Olympians do.

ON BARNEY FIFE: My grandmother used to say that celebrities always die in threes, so this week when Don Knotts, Darrin McGavin, and Dennis Weaver all passed away I thought of the days when I watched all three on the black and white TV in my grandma’s living room. Don Knotts, aka Barney Fife, was my favorite and The Andy Griffith Show may still be my favorite show of all time. My brother, Big Rob, and I were trading classic Fife lines the other day and here’s what I think was his funniest one. Barney and Andy are looking through a doorway into a room where people are dancing. Andy says to Barney, "Do you see anyone (girl) interesting in there?" Barney replies, "Naw, there all dogs, just dogs." Andy scolds, "Barney, that’s not a very nice thing to say." To which Barney responds: "Andy, if a quail flew through there right now they’d all point!"

Jim Neff is a local columnist. Comments to neffzone@gmail.com. Read Neff Zone columns online at www.neffzone.com/cadillacnews.