Neff Zone Column

Print Edition: October 28, 2006

MORE GREAT WEBSITES

One of the most common requests in the e-mail comments I receive about this column is to keep providing readers with websites they can visit, whether for information or just plain enjoyment. So, here are some recent online favorites of mine.

When was the last time you backed up the files, pictures and music now residing on your hard drive? For most of us the answer is "never." A new online backup service, www.carbonite.com , makes saving copies of your files painless and cheap. Most reassuring, Carbonite lets you restore your files if your computer is damaged or even if you buy a new computer. Check out the nifty videos on the Carbonite website to see how the service works. Additional information is also linked to the online version of this column.

I’ve mentioned www.starfall.com before, but this is a wonderful family website that continually improves. Starfall is the best place I’ve ever seen to teach young children their A-B-C’s, and now that feature includes games, say-along words, and wonderful interactive illustrations for each letter. Kids can also put together things like a Halloween pumpkin or a snowman, read and watch stories, and print out coloring sheets. Put a tyke on your lap and have fun with this site.

After you play on Starfall, be sure to take your kids on over to www.jif.com so they can enter a contest for the most creative peanut butter sandwich. They can win a $25,000 scholarship if their variation on the PBJ is chosen. Of course, we all know the best-ever peanut butter sandwich is peanut butter and turkey, so I don’t know why they need a contest.

After the kids sample their PBJ experiments, you may want them to brush their teeth. No problem now that Tooth Tunes is on the scene at www.hasbro.com/toothtunes. This is a new toothbrush containing a chip with a music clip – brush and the sound waves go through the bristles to your jawbone and into the inner ear. There are several music choices, everything from the Beach Boys to the Cheetah Girls. I just know I’m going to have to get the brush with "Rock and Roll All Night" by KISS for myself.

If you like to shop, there are several sites on the net that sell one item each day until that item is sold out. You can see these sites at www.froomb.com , a comprehensive guide to daily deal web sites. You can buy cool stuff dirt cheap on these sites, everything from outdoor gear and electronics to children’s clothes and household items, something for everyone. It’s fun to check these sites every day to see what’s on sale that you can’t live without.

All we’ve heard in the Michigan gubernatorial race is a constant harangue about jobs. Did you know 3,013,745 manufacturing jobs were lost in the United States over the past 4 years and that (contrary to what some politicians claim) Michigan is not the leader in job losses? According to www.America4Sale.net : "We just want to make sure fair trade and American job loss get discussed as an issue in the upcoming election and elections to come."

To that end, America4Sale.net provides you with information about every political office holder in your zip code, federal to city. It also shows how those office holders are ranked by various organizations. Most importantly, the site gives contact information for each office holder so you can call, write, or e-mail them.

Finally, everyone who has ever been on the internet has needed some tech support at some point. I thought you might be interested in this transcript that has been circulating on the net about an actual (cough…wink) tech support case.

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity, applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Video Games 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks, Troubled User

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" 3.0 Professional Edition to alleviate software augmentation.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Shop-Til-You-Drop 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.

WARNING! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Flirt With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck, Tech Support

Of course, I told my wife that I would never need such tech support because I have Wife XP (which stands for Xtra Perfect). I thought that was pretty smooth. She claims it proves my system has been infected by the Delirious Doofus virus.

Jim Neff is a local columnist. Comments to neffzone@gmail.com. Read Neff Zone columns online at www.neffzone.com/cadillacnews.