Neff Zone Column

Print Edition: July 7, 2007

WHAT’S NEXT, THE iCAR ?

Being a pedestrian or bicycle rider in Cadillac means you’re in the cross hairs whether you realize it or not. On my daily walks I feel like I have a target on my back because not a week goes by that I’m not sideswiped by some idiot driver talking on a cell phone.

I’ve come within millimeters of being turned into a grease spot on the roadway on numerous occasions. There seems to be an unwritten code somewhere that when a person gets into an automobile he or she must immediately whip out a cell phone and begin making calls. Apparently, once the cell phone conversation begins the requirement that one must follow laws that govern vehicle operation or the normal conventions of common courtesy no longer apply. The phone call is more important than anything else – period.

Unfortunately, I am part of that "period" and whether you know it or not so are you. If a cell phone wielding driver "punctuates" me by running a red light in downtown Cadillac or swinging around a corner into a pedestrian crosswalk, their attitude seems to be that it’s no biggie. It’s just one less short, bald old guy. It’s like they say at the Doritos factory: "Crunch away, we’ll make more."

What has set me off on this rant is the frenzy over the new iPhone this week. From what I’ve read, with the iPhone you can play games, watch video, answer e-mail, surf the web, get restaurant reviews, use GPS positioning, and I think milk cows in McBain while sitting at a Starbucks in the Hoxeyville mall. There’s even a rumor, though unconfirmed, that you can even use the gadget to make a phone call.

Ah, just what we need. More things for drivers to do instead of DRIVING THE CAR! Already we’re creating a generation whose main body position is neck bent down at 45-degrees, hands palms up with finger tips touching to cradle a "device," thumbs bobbing and weaving like a pair of gerbils on crack, and eyes in a permanent squint. Looking through a windshield to see what they are about to mash does not fit that configuration.

What’s next, the iCar, partly transportation and mostly a rolling arcade? Will Bill Gates counter with Windows AutoVista service pack 2 with Microsoft Office for Dashboards?

Think I’m over reacting? Think things are not all that bad? Think again. Twelve states (Michigan is not among them) are considering "driver distraction legislation" to combat the use of electronics in vehicles. Cell phones are not all the new laws will cover. Police agencies are finding that people are playing Xbox, Nintendo and Playstation games as they are driving, sending faxes, creating PowerPoint presentations, and watching television and DVDs, just to name a few e-stractions.

Think about this. Things are so ridiculous that we actually need a law to TELL people not to play Xbox as they rocket down I-75 at 80 miles per hour. We need to TELL people not to work on PowerPoint slides as they come headlong toward our family’s min-van on M-55. Duh, duh and more exasperating duhs!

Need more evidence that driver distraction is downright lethal? According to the National Association of Police Organizations, 70% of drivers are unaware of "move over" laws. Those laws state that when an emergency vehicle is on the road with sirens and lights activated, motorists are to move over to the side of the road and stop so the emergency vehicle can safely pass. Imagine, you could die on the way to the hospital because some doofus engrossed in phone call doesn’t have enough common sense to move aside to let the ambulance pass.

Also, when a police officer or emergency worker is at the side of the road (standing next to a vehicle and talking to the driver, for example) motorists are to slow down and move to the left lane. Since 1997, more than 150 police officers have been killed in these situations. Put that statistic together with more in-auto distractions and it’s not difficult to predict future danger.

As I noted in a previous column, Washington state is the only state in the union so far to ban talking on a hand-held cell phone while driving. Get caught and it’s a $101 fine.

As for me, I prefer the new Virginia model for traffic fines. Distracted driving would fall under reckless driving, which in Virginia is a $750 fine. I like Virginia’s fines for excessive speeding ($1,050), drunk driving ($2,250), and felony convictions like leaving the scene of an accident ($3,000). Fines like those have real teeth and would add to Michigan’s depleted coffers.

Critics of these fines call them too tough. I say too bad. If you’re following the law and driving in a courteous manner you have nothing to worry about. If your cell phone call is more important than a pedestrian’s safety or a police officer’s life, then you should be willing to pay for the "privilege."

As for me, I’m thinking of taking my walks with no hat on from now on. If I see a driver using a cell phone I’ll tilt my bald head toward them turning the sun’s reflection into a "Ray of Death" that blows out all their tires. That’ll teach ‘em.

Jim Neff is a local columnist. Comments to neffzone@gmail.com. Read Neff Zone columns online at www.neffzone.us.