Print Edition: June 30, 2007
4TH OF JULY THOUGHTS
With the 4th of July holiday this week it’s a good time to comment on some summertime topics.
GASOLINE PRICES: You can tell it’s a summer holiday when the price for a gallon of gasoline jumps up 35 cents in one afternoon, like it did in many parts of northern Michigan last Wednesday. Of course, this has nothing to do with it being a holiday; that would be a ridiculous conspiracy theory. Probably on Tuesday a yak chewed a hole in an Afghanistan pipeline which in turn caused all oil production in the OPEC countries to come to a grinding halt which instantaneously caused a petroleum shortage in downtown Lucas thereby raising prices. All other gas stations in North America naturally followed suit. Or it’s just price gouging. You decide.
You might be interested to note, however, that during this peak driving time of year, U.S. refineries are only operating at 87% of capacity, which is 6% less than the same time last year. Hmmmm, it’s a time of year when you can sell all the gasoline you can produce but you choose not to do that. Less gasoline available means higher prices.
Gee, it’s almost like an artificial shortage has been created so oil companies can continue to make record profits. Naw, they wouldn’t do that to fellow Americans on Independence Day. The joke would be too ironic and arrogantly cruel.
CHINESE TIRES: After mortgaging our homes to buy a tank of gas, many of us will be driving to 4th of July picnics. Before you leave, check your wheels. By now you know that there are at least 450,000 faulty Chinese tires on American cars. The importer claims the Chinese manufacturer failed to meet the specifications, so no one could have guessed there was a problem until the tires malfunctioned.
Well, that’s not entirely true. According to China’s Ministry of Communications, "Seventy percent of traffic accidents in China are caused by tire explosion." That’s a staggering number. Clearly the Chinese don’t know how (or don’t care) to make safe tires – even for their own people. Now if you own Westlake or Telluride tires you get to join in the excitement. Who needs fireworks? Thanks to the Chinese we have blowouts.
PICNIC FOOD: Of course, if you can’t afford gasoline or new tires to get to a 4th of July celebration, you can always stay home and enjoy a backyard picnic of your own. Well, maybe, unless the food you’ll be eating has been imported from China. According to the Associated Press, Chinese authorities have closed 180 food factories because they were found to be using industrial chemicals in the making of food. The contaminated products included: candy, seafood, pickles, crackers, meat, milk, beverages, soy sauce, and cooking oil. And we’re talking dangerous chemicals like formaldehyde.
If 180 factories sounds like a lot, consider that fact that China has over one million food factories, so this is just a drop in the bucket. Hard on the heels of contaminated imported Chinese pet foods, children’s toys, and even toothpaste, one wonders if this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.
SENIOR TATOOS: Now that I’ve ruined your 4th because you can’t travel or even eat, here’s something on a lighter note. As the weather gets hotter and people wear short sleeves, tank tops and shorts all those tattoos that were hidden under clothing during the winter are now on full display. Whether the artwork is intricate and colorful or a bad idea made worse by an amateur Picasso wielding garden tools, tattoos are somewhat interesting.
What you may be surprised to learn is that one of the fastest growing segments of the population getting tattooed is older Americans – people over 60 years of age. According to AARP magazine, seniors make up 15% of the clients for some tattoo artists.
Personally, I’d like a tattoo, but when I look at my skin I’m afraid of what might happen. At my age I’m concerned that if I get a tattoo of a $100 dollar bill it will look like a $10 bill in a few years and eventually shrink to a $1 bill. I don’t want people who come to my funeral to think I was a cheapskate.
GRANDPA SIMPSON: As long as we’re talking about seniors, let me close with some advice from Grandpa Simpson from the Simpson’s Movie (which opens July 27).
"I wish I were Lassie. Then at least I’d be fed, walked and hugged."
"I eat plenty of garlic and Limburger cheese. It keeps people away…which is where I look best."
Jim Neff is a local columnist. Comments to neff@gmail.com. Read Neff Zone columns online at www.neffzone.us.
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