Print Edition: October 20, 2007

OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. For this edition we’re going to add a wrinkle – all the items are about sports. As always we begin with an item from Big Rob’s stomping grounds of Flint.

We’ve been keeping track of the Flint Southwestern football team because this story keeps getting more convoluted by the minute. You’ll remember SW as the team that let two felons play in a high school football game resulting in suspensions for both players, the coach and the athletic director. The coach and AD were eventually reinstated, but then SW was made to forfeit three games for using an ineligible player.

In the latest twist to this story, last Friday one of the felons was back on the team after serving 30 days out of his original 90-day sentence. He caught seven passes for 114 yards and two touchdowns in a SW win. The victory gave SW the second highest playoff point total of any 4-4 team and if they beat Saginaw Heritage (last night) they could be in the state football playoffs. {Note: After the print edition went to press Saginaw Heritage defeated SW 35-7 to knock SW out of the playoffs.}

I wonder how the players who stayed out of jail this fall and whose teams also finished 5-4 only to be edged out of the playoffs by Southwestern will feel. Somehow this situation leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

If you think the Flint Southwestern situation is bizarre, how about what’s going on at Hoover High in Hoover City, Alabama. Hoover has won four of the last five Alabama state titles, has been ranked in USA Today’s Top 25, has been the subject of an MTV program, and is 5-1 this year.

Now it’s being reported by USA Today and the Birmingham News that academic grades were changed for at least one player and perhaps several. This was done without the knowledge of the teachers who taught the classes in question. The principal has been terminated and the coach, Rush Propst, is under intense scrutiny.

Ah, but let’s really look at what makes this story so odd. It turns out that Propst earns $93,000 per year for just being the football coach; he does not teach or perform any other job in the school district. He uses school facilities to conduct his own private for-profit football camps. And get this, it’s alleged that he has two families – one in Hoover City and another in Pell City.

This raises a dilemma, which network should carry the updates on this story, ESPN or Soap Net?

Speaking of a dilemma, officials at Tawas High (straight across the state from Cadillac at the eastern end of M-55) had a real doozey last Friday night. According to the Bay City Times, when players hit the field to play Alcona High they found thousands of toothpicks stuck in the ground on the football field. The toothpicks were buried so the top third of each was sticking out of the ground. The Tawas athletic director told the Times: "'The toothpicks were strong and they're sharp, and when you stick 'em down in the ground, they don't give." Whoever planted the toothpicks intended to cause injury to the players.

Around 200 volunteers tried to remove the toothpicks, but were unsuccessful in getting them all and the game had to be move 37 miles north to Alcona’s field and started three hours late.

Tawas eventually won the game 49-0, but that’s not the whole story. Tawas lost all of the game revenue because they had to refund ticket sales and they lost another $1,000 in concession sales. Plus, the Tawas seniors didn’t get to finish their careers on their home field. None of this can be categorized as funny. The State Police are investigating.

Now, if you want funny, we’ll have to travel all the way to the left coast where my daughter lives in Olympia, Washington. She sent me a story from the local newspaper, The Olympian. It seems that a couple of weeks ago a fight broke out when the parents of players from the Yelm Thunder took on the parents of players from the Lacey Bobcats. The reason for the conflict centered around cheering by the parents. Bobcat parents objected to Thunder parents yelling things like "knock them down," which I always thought was the one of the main objectives in tackle football. One woman grabbed an opponent by the hair and punched her in the face, while another woman took on all comers by swinging an umbrella.

Oh yeah, you might like to know that the two teams play in a league for third graders. I don’t know if the kids learned any football, but at least now they now know how responsible adults can work together to solve their differences if the proper rain repelling utensils are close at hand.

Finally, if you’re in the sports memorabilia market, you may be interested in a strange auction going on right now at www.nhl.com.  You know the NHL (National Hockey League), that’s the sport that is televised by Versus, the official network of the Witness Protection Program.

Anyway, the NHL is auctioning off four silken pink Wonderbras signed by players from the Toronto Maple Leafs. There’s no indication if these were actually worn by Leafs players during games, but then again this might explain why the Leafs have not made the playoffs in several years.

Jim Neff is a local columnist. Comments to neffzone@gmail.com.  Read Neff Zone columns online at www.neffzone.com/cadillacnews. 

Copyright © by NeffZone Services. All rights reserved.