Print Edition: August 16, 2008
YOU CAN’T MAKE UP THIS STUFF: Volume 21
OK, kidlings, it’s time for another edition of "Big Rob’s You Can’t Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother’s theory that reality is stranger than any fiction you can conjure up. As always we begin with an item from Big Rob’s stomping grounds of Flint.
It seems that manhole covers, aluminum siding, copper tubing and catalytic converters have now become small taters for Flint thieves. Last week someone stole a whole school bus. Police conjecture that the aim was to tear the bus apart and sell it for scrap, but that’s not the unbelievable part of the story. The big, yellow school bus was taken at 8:30 PM on a Saturday night, so it happened at a time and on a day when it would be the only school bus on the road in Genesee County. The thief was able to walk into the school bus yard in the center of Flint, start up the engine, crash through a chain link fence, and drive the vehicle away. This was all heard by a bus garage employee who reported the incident to police.
Now, how difficult would you think finding the only yellow bus on the road on a Saturday night would be? Apparently it was an impossible task because the thief was able to drive the stolen bus all the way to Pontiac, where they found it abandoned in a funeral home parking lot the next day. Big Rob says he can’t figure out how all the law enforcement agencies in two counties could miss seeing the bus. He does, however, let Flint police off the hook a bit because no doubt they were busy enforcing the police chief’s new mandate to hunt down everyone wearing baggy pants in the city.
Iraq is in the news, as always, because its government is running about an $80 billion surplus while the U.S. treasury (your tax dollars) is being drained to rebuild that country. Ah, but if that’s not enough to make steam come out of your ears, here’s something guaranteed to make your head explode. The average Iraqi pays about $1.36 for a gallon of gasoline, but the Iraqi government charges the American military an average of $3.23 per gallon. (CNN, Department of Defense report to Congress, Huffington Post) That’s right, folks. While the U.S. military fights and dies on behalf of the Iraqi government, that same government gouges our military at the gas pump. Then, as it turns out, they pocket the profits and now run a government surplus. Isn’t it nice to be appreciated?
Sorry to say, when it comes to gouging the military and showing a complete lack of appreciation the Iraqi government is not alone. The American airline industry is right in there pitching. According to a CNN report, some airlines are charging U.S. soldiers extra baggage fees to take their military kits with them as they set off for war. The report says: "Military personnel carry large, heavy kit bags containing boots, clothing and gear. In the past few months, airlines have instituted fees for all travelers ranging from $15 for one bag to $250 for a third bag. The military usually issues vouchers authorizing extra baggage before a flight, but troops must pay up front if they don't have one. And though reimbursement is likely, pending approval, as with any business expense, it is not guaranteed." About this incomprehensibly stupid policy, the VFW says: "These young troops are going to war. There's a lot more on their mind than to have to worry or try to remember to get a hundred dollars reimbursed to them when they get into a war zone." Showing a total disregard for anything approaching common sense, the position of the Air Transport Association is that it supports the troops, but baggage policies are "made independently by the individual airlines." The association says it has no plans to ask for an across-the-board waiver for U.S. service members. I hope every service person remembers this shabby treatment the next time an airline complains about security against terrorism.
I always like stories about being politically correct and here’s a doozy. According to the London Telegraph, Britain's National Children's Bureau has issued an alert that teachers must watch children as young as three, and even babies, for comments which could be construed as racist or (gasp) thoughtless. The 366-page guide includes as forbidden behavior: referring to others as "those people", saying someone "smells", or toddlers who "react negatively to a culinary tradition other than their own by saying 'yuk'." The dopiness of this policy isn’t what surprises me. I’m amazed that Britain thinks it has a "culinary tradition." I mean, this is a country that thinks kidney pie is yummy.
Speaking of being politically correct, you have to love those wacky cutups in the Chinese government. If you watched the opening ceremonies of the Olympics you saw the little girl in the red dress with the pigtails, called Lin Miaoke, 9, who performed the Chinese national anthem. Wasn’t she cute?
Well, it turns out she was lip-synching because she actually can’t sing. The little girl who did the real singing was a 7-year-old girl called Yang Peiyi, who won a national competition. Government officials thought she had a perfect voice but was unsuited to the lead role because of her buck teeth. CNN reported an official saying: "The main consideration was the national interest. The child on the screen should be flawless in image…after all, we have a perfect voice, a perfect image and a perfect show." Oh yeah, even though the brave officials made this decision they didn’t tell the 7-year-old she was being dumped until 15 minutes before the show. What nice guys.
By the way, the fireworks show was a digitally-enhanced fake too.
Jim Neff is a local columnist. Comments to neffzone@gmail.com. Read Neff Zone columns online at www.neffzone.com/cadillacnews.
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