Print Edition: August 30, 2008
Out of my head on a Saturday morning
…The exhibitions of wretched excess that are the national political conventions are now upon us and with that the beginning of the "silly season" of attack ads ratchets into full gear. Adding to the cacophony of incorrect information will be all sorts of items people claim they "read somewhere on the Internet." Before repeating these, you might want to check the accuracy of a given claim or statement.
A good initial place to verify facts is Snopes. For everything Obama go to http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/obama.asp. For everything McCain go to http://www.snopes.com/politics/mccain/mccain.asp. And, please, be sure to read the entire explanation presented for a given item. Even when Snopes says something is true or false further explanation often reveals shades of gray that need to be understood.
Better yet, go to the Annenberg Political Fact Check at the University of Pennsylvania, www.factcheck.org. This is the absolute best way to get the straight scoop – accurate, updated daily, and totally non-partisan. They hold politicians accountable like no other site on the Web.
…Speaking of politics, a group has called for a ban on political campaigning on September 11 – www.mygooddeed.org. I say anything that will give us a breather from the attack ads, even if for only a day, has my full support.
…You won’t believe this, given the mess Ohio made of the last presidential voting, but that state has just announced that it won’t allow poll workers to take home voting machines before the election for "safe keeping." Do you believe it? Workers have been able to take the voting machines home with them! No chance for any hanky-panky there, eh?
…Also on the voting machine front, remember when Congress spent over $3 billion to replace punch-card voting machines with ATM-like touch screen machines. States spent another $253 purchasing the systems. The touch screens were a total boondoggle and now thousands are stacked in warehouses all over America. Each machine cost $5,000 and now one of the manufacturers wants to buy them back for $1 apiece. You know, sometimes a hunk of paper and a number 2 pencil is all the technology you need to get a job done.
…I’m really happy to see work is underway installing the sidewalk between Haines and Lake Streets along the Clam River Greenway. It will be a nice link-in to the McKellop Walkway along Lake Cadillac. Gee, I hope they maintain the new addition just the same as the McKellop, specifically by putting in-ground sprinklers next the sidewalk and timing them to go off during prime time morning walking hours. The sprinklers make walking so much more fun because as they go off you get to decide if you want to leave the sidewalk and go into the street to dodge traffic or stay on the sidewalk and dodge rotating arcs of water. Either way it’s a unique opportunity to work on your speed, agility and footwork.
…The good news from Scotland is that since they instituted a smoking ban in public places in 2006 heart attacks have dropped 17%. During that same time in Michigan the cost of tobacco to health care was $3.4 billion and the lost productivity due to smoking was $3.8 billion.
…Well, at least Michigan is not the fattest state in the Union. That designation goes to Mississippi. The rest of the top nine are: West Virginia, Alabama, Louisiana, South Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas and Oklahoma. Notice that these are all southern states, places where it’s warm all year round. Apparently the warm weather does not encourage more exercise as it does more pig roasts and barbeques.
Michigan came in tenth on the fat-o-meter rankings. Detroit was the fattest spot in the state with a 37.5% obesity rate, probably because everyone is afraid to go outside unless they’re wearing Kevlar union suits.
…At least our pets are in good shape. That’s because Americans spent $43.4 billion on their pets last year -- $890 per dog and $726 per cat. An indication that pet owners may be around the bend is that according to a recent survey 33% of owners talk to their pets over the phone when they’re away from home. There are people out there burning cell phone minutes in conversations with their cats! These people are obviously stark, raving lunatics! I know this because I checked with my cat, Ruby, and she said cats hate talking on the phone and prefer to text.
In California the state senate is at least trying to inject some sanity into this pet worshipping madness. They’ve passed a bill making it illegal to drive with a pet on your lap. I think this is a good idea because if I’m going die by getting mowed down at a crosswalk I want the driver to be a human and not a dog. I want something more dashing than "flattened by Chihuahua" on my death certificate.
…Finally, in the September issue of The Journal of Body Image, a study says that "…young men’s body satisfaction can be negatively affected by exposure to images of ideal male bodies."
I have a way to combat this horrible scourge. We wouldn’t want to damage young males’ fragile psyches, the poor babies. Another study done for the Jockey (underwear) company found that 2% of men have underwear that is over 20 years old. That means they purchased their boxers or briefs when Ronald Reagan was president.
Someone needs to take pictures of the guys in their vintage tighty-whiteys and post the images on the Internet. Looking at this spectacle will surely make any young male feel better about himself.
(Note: Come on, admit it. Now every time you see an old guy in the underwear department of a store you’re going to wonder how many years he has on his undie-odometer. You should be ashamed of yourself…but it’s funny, isn’t it?)
Jim Neff is a local columnist. Comments to neffzone@gmail.com. Read Neff Zone columns online at www.neffzone.com/cadillacnews.
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