Neff Zone Column -- March 22, 2008

Print Edition: March 22, 2008

MARCH MADNESS

It must be March because people have gone bonkers. Spring has supposedly sprung except that it still looks like winter and we’re all cranky from extreme cases of cabin fever. That’s why when things happen that make no sense at all we merrily go along for the ride. It’s called March Madness.

A prime example happened this week when we all got a letter telling us that President Bush has approved an economic stimulus plan and we’ll all be getting tax rebate checks. The theory is that we’ll all rush out and spend like crazed fools, thereby rescuing the economy, an economy about which USA Today said this week: "If the U.S. economy were a car, all of its warning lights would be flashing red."

There’s a missive going around the Internet that goes something like this: ‘If we spend that money at a discount mart all the money will go to China. If we spend it on computers, most of the money will go to Korea or India. If we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Middle East. If we make a payment on our Honda the money will go to Japan. None of these scenarios will help the American economy.’

The sad part is we’ll all spend the rebate, but we all know deep in our hearts there is no free lunch. That $165 billion national "rebate" has to come from somewhere and in keeping with the current political mind-set of "charge and spend" that "somewhere" is from the pockets of our children and grandchildren. Even the letter just telling us about the rebate cost $42 million to send. No problem, though, we just charged it. Make no mistake, fifty years from now, burdened with all the bills this generation has rung up, our grandchildren will be cursing our irresponsibility.

Oh, and if you’re wondering how an economy running on fumes can come up with the cash flow for such an operation, the answer is easy – foreign banks. During this past January alone, foreign banks lent the U.S. $75.5 billion and the primary lenders were banks in China, Russia, and the Middle East. How’s that for a murderer’s row? I’m sure they are only concerned with what’s best for the citizens of the U.S. Now you know why these countries can invoke the old Mafia credo when they deal with the United States: "If I want your opinion I’ll give it to you." We are completely at their mercy. How’s that for a national economic policy?

It’s enough to make a person turn to March Madness drinking, but do it now because you won’t be able to imbibe much longer. According to a report given to Congress ( www.sandia.gov/energy-water/congress_report.htm ), the fresh water supply in the U.S. is in deep trouble. Massive amounts are needed in the production of energy and in fact 40% of all water drawn from rivers and lakes is used for energy. The report says that the water supply is as critical as oil and that in the future instead of calculating miles per gallon we’ll be switching to gallons of water per mile.

Ah, and guess in which country 90% of the cities have polluted groundwater – China. The water is so foul that in Beijing during the upcoming Olympics residents have been notified that drinking water will not be available from taps for those residing outside the Olympic Village.

Guess who will eventually come knocking at the doors of the Great Lakes, straw in hand to siphon off water. Why, our country’s loan shark. The choice will be to give them what they want or they’ll call the bank notes due and ruin what’s left of our economy.

Finally, at least we can huddle around our TV’s for the next couple of weeks and lose ourselves in the real March Madness, the NCAA Basketball tournaments. Before you do that, let me ask you some questions.

1) Are you in a pool for the men’s tournament? Sure you are. 2) Are you in a pool for the women’s tournament? I didn’t think so. 3) Did you watch the men’s tournament bracket show? I did too. 4) Did you watch the women’s tournament bracket show? Neither did I. 5) Will you watch almost all of the men’s games, even the one featuring underdogs? I’ll bet you will. 6) Will you watch any of the women’s games except the final? Maybe not even that one.

I ask these not to denigrate the women’s tournament, but only to state the facts. While the men’s tourney games sell out at every arena, the women’s games average 3-5,000 spectators. One game last year drew only 878 fans. This week, USA Today devoted two special sections to the men’s tournament and only four pages to the women’s. You can argue all you want that it should not be this way, but it is what it is.

This only reinforces my opinion that women’s college basketball should be played in the fall in order to give it the showcase it deserves. Imagine if the tournament was held in what now constitutes a television sports "off-season" between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Baseball is over, the regular season NFL is winding down, the NBA and NHL are barely registering on the national radar, men’s college basketball has not started, and all college football has to offer is a bunch of "who cares" minor bowl games no one wants to watch. Put the women’s basketball tournament in here and it would be the hottest ticket in town. The games would be the only meaningful contests on the sports landscape. Plus, in a pure economic sense, it would be a financial windfall for the NCAA.

As it stands now, having both the men’s and women’s college basketball tournaments going at the same time is not so much March Madness as it is just plain old madness.

Jim Neff is a local columnist. Comments to neffzone@gmail.com. Read Neff Zone columns online at www.neffzone.com/cadillacnews.