Neff Zone Column -- April 4, 2009

Back up your data, pictures and music for as little as $3.75 per month. Never lose another file. More information about Carbonite from Jim Neff.

Print Edition: April 4, 2009

SPRING CLEANING

Although it’s hard to believe by looking out the window today, spring is actually upon us. In our house that means another ritual is underway – spring cleaning. I know this is in full swing because no matter where I stand I’m in the way.

In the spirit of the season I’m pitching in by once again cleaning out the crate beneath my desk. What follows are the snippets, news items, and flotsam that I’ve accumulated over the winter but have not used in this column (until now).

-These are tough times that call for innovative business ideas and the most unique new business I’ve come across is actually a combination of two old businesses. The Highline Circle of Life Center in Thornton, Colorado has been in the funeral business for 42 years and last week added a new service – weddings and receptions. They figure they’ll host about 300 funerals and 50 weddings a year and in fact three weddings have already been booked. Actually, this business plan makes a lot of sense because a lot of guys already think that there’s not much difference between their wedding and their funeral.

-You know those "buy local" ad campaigns you’ve seen on TV. Well, here’s a statistic that illustrates that idea. According to the Michigan Department of Agriculture, if every Michigan family would buy just $10 a week of local Michigan fruits and vegetables, it would keep $37 million new dollars each week working for us right here at home.

-Another way to save money is to not spend it at all. A recent report by the Alliance to Save Energy says U.S. organizations would save $2.8 billion a year if they would just turn off their computers at night. For you at home, turning off your computer at night would save you about $75 per year.

-Thinking about money could give you a headache. You know what they say; if you laid all the world’s economists end to end they still wouldn’t reach a conclusion. Anyway, it turns out that a group called the American Headache Society did a study and found that weather factors can trigger migraine headaches. They compared when people reported getting migraines to local weather reports and found a connection. If this is true, given the climates of both our economy and weather, Michigan should be the headache capital of the universe, eh?

-A headache can put you in a bad mood, but according to the first definitive study of the effects of secondhand smoke it "cannot only blacken your lungs but also can blacken your mood." Researchers at the University of Miami School of Medicine found "those exposed to smoke were more likely to have symptoms of serious depression." Meanwhile, researchers in another study said in the British Medical Journal, that "inhaling other people’s cigarette smoke could increase the risk of memory problems and dementia after age 50."

-One way to avoid secondhand smoke is to just stay home, but sometimes that can be risky too. The federal government has reported that 86,000 Americans suffer serious falls each year tripping over their pets. Dogs are the main culprits because they can startle people, push or pull on their leashes during a walk, or just take up a lot of space by sleeping on the floor. Cats are dangerous when they purr around your ankles. I don’t own a dog, but as for my cat I feel pretty safe. She’s only awake about ten minutes a day and only acknowledges my existence if she needs a doorknob turned, can opener run, or a faucet turned on for a drink. Otherwise she’s sleeping in a location no one can determine. Finding the time to trip me would disrupt her routine, so it’s not on her agenda.

-Another thing my cat doesn’t do is hunt birds. I think she figures why go to all that trouble when Whiskas does the work already and puts it in an easy-open pouch. If she did hunt birds, though, I know where she could find them – the Detroit Airport Terminal. People think it’s neat that the terminal has piped-in bird chirping sounds because it makes the terminal feel "outdoorsy." This is hilarious because the terminal does not pipe in artificial bird sounds; the chirping is being done by actual birds that

have gotten into the high-ceilinged edifice through cracks and crannies. The terminal has everything a bird could want: tall ceilings with heavy beams, a large water fountain, and plenty of food crumbs all over the place. Just a word to the wise if you’re planning on flying out of the Detroit terminal in the near future – don’t look up with your mouth open (for obvious reasons) and make sure that the tartar sauce on your sandwich is really tartar sauce.

-Finally, for me the real harbinger of spring is the start of the Major League Baseball season. And what could be more apropos than to finish this column with the immortal words of legendary Detroit Tigers broadcaster Ernie Harwell who used to quote these famous lines from the Song of Solomon at the start of each new baseball season:

"For lo, the winter is past,

The rain is over and gone,

The flowers appear on the earth,

The time of the singing of birds is come,

And the voice of the turtle is heard in our land."

Jim Neff is a local columnist. Comments to neffzone@gmail.com. Read Neff Zone columns online at www.neffzone.com/cadillacnews.