Neff Zone Column -- July 18, 2009

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Print Edition: July 18, 2009

WANT WELFARE? MOVE TO ALASKA!

Outta the Zone…With the numbers being thrown around in Washington these days, it won’t be long before they’ll be talking real money. If you want to tap into the public trough for your share, though, there’s no better place to be than Alaska. You know, that’s the place that has given us Sarah Palin, who is now painting herself as the champion of "limited government," because she’s from a state full of rugged individualists. Oh, really?

Put aside the deal where every Alaskan resident gets a "tax rebate" of $2000 because of a deal with the oil companies thanks to a state-corporate arrangement (much like how things are done in China).

The most recent figures from the Tax Foundation puts Alaska 18^th in federal taxes paid per resident but number one in federal spending received per resident. In the absolute amount Alaska receives from Washington over and above what it sends to Washington , Alaska is again number one. Alaska is also number 7 in per-capita welfare recipients, topped only by places like Guam and Tennessee. (Michigan is 13^th in welfare recipients.) When it comes to pretending to be conservative but actually being socialist, Alaska has no peer.

…Now that all of the Republicans out there are angry with me, here’s something about which the Democrats can fume. According to Harvard professor Naill Ferguson, author of eight books about economics, here’s what he imagines as the probable scenario for 2013. In that year the U.S. will have: a top income tax rate of 45%, the S&P Index at 418 (the same as in 1991), an unemployment rate of 12%, a $20 trillion national debt, and Jeb Bush as president.

…Since we’re tossing around the "trillions" number, do you know how much a trillion dollars is? It’s enough to give $325.50 to everyone in the USA each year for the next ten years. It’s the combined worth of Microsoft, Google, Apple, and Intel, plus enough left over to buy an iPhone for every person in China and India.

…Speaking of money, guess where Michigan ranks when it comes to requiring its elected officials to disclose their financial dealings. If you guessed dead last you would be right. According to the Center for Public Integrity Michigan’s state officials do not have to show tax returns, give a statement of income or assets, reveal any money coming to them from corporate bigwigs, or even reveal holdings in companies doing business with state or local government. Dead last. I can think of no further commentary.

…Onward! How do you like this fall weather? did you know that Americans love their weather forecasts? According to the National Center for Atmospheric Research, U.S. adults receive about 300 billion weather forecasts per year via the Web, TV, radio and newspapers. The Center says most people watch forecasts just to see what the weather will be, not necessarily for planning purposes. I admit to being a weather forecast junkie, especially during ski season. I love the Weather Channel, which is essentially MTV for old people.

…I see that "little people" have asked the Federal Communications Commission to ban the use of the word "midget" on broadcast TV. The group Little People of America says the word is as offensive as racial slurs.

Well, OK, I can see their point, but has anyone thought about how banning the word "midget" will affect Hurley High School in Hurley, Wisconsin? You see, Hurley High’s nickname is "Midgets." They are the Hurley High Midgets! In fact, a sign running right now on their athletics Web page http://www.hurley.k12.wi.us/AthleticsHomepage.htm proudly proclaims "Midget Power." You can even go to http://www.spiritshop.com/school/Wisconsin/Hurley/Hurley_K-12_School-3085.aspx and buy your very own Midget tee shirt or other Midget apparel. Don’t ask me in this day and age, when colleges with American Indian nicknames have had to find other more politically correct mascots, how Hurley can be known as the Midgets.

By the way, one of Hurley’s big rivals is just across the border in Michigan, the Bessemer Speedboys. Hurley does not play the Kinsford Flivvers or the Watersmeet Nimrods.

…Finally, how about this for being tough on crime? Reuters News Service reports that Moussa Tiegboro Camara, who has been appointed by the National Council for Democracy and Development to head the serious crime unit in the Republic of Guinea in West Africa, has a new solution to the plague of robbery in the country. "The prisons are full and cannot take more people," he announced, "and the situation cannot continue like that." Therefore, "I'm asking all citizens to burn all armed bandits (with petrol) who are caught red-handed committing an armed robbery." I wonder how many bandits to the gallon they get in Guinea?

Jim Neff is a local columnist. Comments to neffzone@gmail.com. Read Neff Zone columns online at www.neffzone.com/cadillacnews.