ODDITIES FROM THE CRATE
THE NEFF ZONE -- BY JIM NEFF
CADILLAC NEWS -- DECEMBER 21, 2019
As the year comes to a close it's time to clear out odds and ends from the crate beneath my desk. This is where I keep items that did not make it into other columns. It's important that I do this now because we have a new kitten, Betty. She likes to sleep in the crate, so I have to make room.
Baby, it's cold outside. During mistletoe season it's important to keep your lips in kissable condition, so lip balm is a must. Now, you can use balms with the usual flavors (cherry, strawberry mint), but the good news is there are more options. For example, Funslurp has Dill Pickle Lip Balm. “Dill Pickle Lip Balm gives you that tasty lip-smacking flavor with all the protection of a traditional lip balm.” Don't fear, however. If your significant other is not excited by your pickle lips, other flavors are available: bacon, cupcake, french fries and nacho cheese. (https://www.funslurp.com/pickle-lip-balm)
If those flavors don't strike your fancy you could opt for banana and make $240,000 at the same time. See, a piece of art called "The Comedian," was created by Maurizio Cattelan, an Italian artist. The piece consisted of a banana duct-taped to a wall. “Cattelan sold at least two editions of "Comedian" to private collectors for $120,000 each, according to a spokeswoman for Paris-based Galerie Perrotin.” (https://www.cbsnews.com/news/banana-art-basel-performance-artist-eats-banana-today-taped-to-wall-that-had-sold-for-120000-2019-12-07/)
Not everything is good news on the words front, though. I am sorry to report that the apostrophe is dead. The Apostrophe Protection Society is closing down, saying: “We have done our best but the ignorance and laziness present in modern times have won.”
The Society's website lists three simple rules for the correct use of the apostrophe. “They are used to denote a missing letter or letters, they are used to denote possession and apostrophes are never ever used to denote plurals.” The site also notes: “It's is only correct as a contraction of it is and you're means you are and should not be confused with your.” (https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/apostrophe-society-shuts-down-because-ignorance-has-won-a4301391.html)
This is a sad development for me because apostrophe misuse is a pet peeve of mine. I refuse to eat tacos at a place that can't spell tacos (taco's is wrong). I cringe at business signs I have seen with obvious apostrophe mistakes: pig's, in's, condo's and and latte's. My favorite appeared at a now defunct tattoo business with a sign touting tattoo's. I wonder who would get tattoos at a place that can't spell tattoos (tattoo's is wrong). How many folks are out there sporting spelling errors permanently inked on their bodies?
Moving on, the winter months are tough on golfers. There is only so much putting you can do on the living room carpet before you go goofy. Ah, but there is good news for golfers. Nissan has developed a prototype golf ball that enables a golfer to never miss a putt. Never!
“Designed after auto manufacturer’s ProPilot 2.0 self-driving system, the ProPilot golf ball can find its way to the hole with the help of some serious technology, including cameras placed around the green, sensors, a small motor inside the ball and wireless transmitters. According to Nissan, the ball is linked to software that locates the cup and ball.”
In simple terms, putt the ball from anywhere on the green and it goes in the hole. Seeing is believing, so golfers need to watch the ProPilot ball in action. To see an amazing video, go to: https://www.golf.com/gear/balls/2019/08/27/nissan-pro-pilot-golf-ball-technology/.
Finally, with Christmas this week you'll need to keep the kidlings from underfoot, so send them to the Neff Zone Holidays page at https://www.neffzone.com/holidays. The kidlings can find all sorts of activities to keep them busy, including “Elf Yourself” where they can use photos of themselves to create their own personal elves.
Jim Neff is a local columnist. Read Neff Zone columns online at CadillacNews.com and NeffZone.com/cadillacnews.