THE ANTI-SCOWL
THE NEFF ZONE -- BY JIM NEFF
CADILLAC NEWS -- JANUARY 26, 2018
These are serious times. With all that's going on in the country and the world it seems like too many people are going through life with scowls on their faces. Let's take a break from that, shall we? Let's think about some things that are a bit nonsensical and thus might elicit a smile or even a laugh.
With all the snow and cold buffeting us, thinking about cruising down the road in the summer with the windows open in a new car might warm us up. Add to that warmth by imagining a desert, which is made easier because this year's new hot color is Sahara Bronze. “If you’re a fashion-forward car shopper, get ready to accessorize around bronze, coppery colors as automakers move away from the white, black, silver and gray shades that have dominated the market. Sahara is hot...the automotive color of the year.” (https://www.freep.com/story/money/cars/mark-phelan/2019/01/10/sahara-bronze-tapped-automotive-color-year/2521576002/)
Cruising in the summer might be less dangerous than in winter, especially if you decide to obliterate a snowman. A driver in Kentucky thought it would be fun to roll over a 9-foot Frosty not realizing it was built around a large tree trunk. “The culprit got a rude awakening. Instead of poor Frosty being murdered, the snowman got its revenge.” A set of tire tracks led directly to the snowman and the tree trunk was exposed, but the only imprint was of of the culprit’s bumper. (https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/driver-attempts-destroy-giant-snowman-not-realizing-built-large-tree-trunk-021319805.html)
Cruising of a different nature got a Texas woman in trouble. “Police say a woman has been banned from a local Walmart after she spent several hours driving an electric shopping cart around the store's parking lot while drinking wine from a Pringles can.” (https://news.yahoo.com/woman-drinking-wine-pringles-banned-walmart-131106062.html)
Hearing about this incident, an enterprising Houston tavern owner launched a promotion. “The 'Texas Wine Service' will feature mini cans of original flavor Pringles filled with either chablis or merlot for $3 each.” The owner also posted a photo of himself paraphrasing the “Most Interesting Man in the World” commercials. It says: “I don't always drink wine, but when I do it's out of a Pringles can.” (https://houston.eater.com/2019/1/16/18184669/drink-wine-pringles-can-the-branch-bar-houston)
The calories in those wine cans can add up, so you'll be glad to know that everyday activities burn up those calories. HealthStatus.com's online calculator estimates how many calories the average American could burn during everyday activities. This may surprise you: two hours of dancing (430 calories), pushing a stroller for an hour (230), an hour of house cleaning (340), a one-hour game of pool (220). These and more at: https://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/cbc.
Burning calories may be needed because temptations are all around us. “Kellogg's has released a limited-edition Peeps Cereal, which means that marshmallow-infused milk is about to become a regular part of your breakfast routine. The cereal is lightly sweetened and features marshmallow-flavored cereal crisps made with whole grains as well as marshmallow pieces. It's also inspired by the delicious taste and springtime colors of the beloved Peeps marshmallow Chicks and Bunnies.” You just know you're going to have to try this. (https://www.thisisinsider.com/peeps-cereal-limited-edition-kelloggs-2019-1)
One guy who may not try Peeps cereal and will probably eat some spinach instead is Popeye the Sailor. You can't argue with his success because he's turning 90 this year and looks better than ever. “Popeye is tough, he’s fit, and he’s got grit. He yam what he yam — a rugged sailor who is always up to the challenge and never backs down. Popeye's healthy and active lifestyle gives him the confidence to rise to any occasion. And, as the embodiment of strength and fitness, he inspires us all to work hard, be persistent, and stay strong to the finish…with the help of a hefty amount of spinach.” Happy Birthday to an American icon! (http://popeye.com/)
While Popeye's longevity is amazing, another “amazing” can be summarized in one word – yuk! Have you ever heard of a fatberg? They are becoming more common. One was discovered in London, England earlier this month. The London fatberg is “a mass of hardened fat, oil and baby wipes, measuring some 210 feet long.” The fatberg is blocking a sewer and will take a sewer team around eight weeks to dissect and dispose of the obstruction.” (https://www.mlive.com/news/us-world/2019/01/giant-fatberg-discovered-in-english-sewer-will-take-weeks-to-dissect.html)
Would you like to be on a fatberg disposal crew? Well, you don't have to travel to London to do so. There are fatbergs close to home. A year ago one was found near Detroit. “Public works officials in Metro Detroit say they allocated about $100,000 for the removal of a 19-ton fatberg the length of two school buses from its sewer system earlier this week. The fatberg in question was about 100-feet long, 11-feet wide and 6-feet tall.” See photos at: https://www.mlive.com/news/index.ssf/2018/09/michigan_fatberg_size_of_2_sch.html.
Finally, if the snow and cold have you in the dumps this weekend, you will be encouraged to know that spring is just around the corner. Proof is that Major League Baseball Spring Training workout dates have been announced. For the Detroit Tigers, pitchers and catchers report on February 13 and the full squad reports on February 18.
Jim Neff is a local columnist. Read Neff Zone columns online at CadillacNews.com and NeffZone.com/cadillacnews.
