THE NEFF ZONE -- BY JIM NEFF
CADILLAC NEWS -- NOVEMBER 21, 2020
It does not matter whether you are celebrating Thanksgiving in person or on Zoom. When you connect with family members you need some talking points. After “how's the weather,” it's important to keep the discussion moving along in order to avoid awkward silences.
One thing on everyone's mind is the recent presidential election. When it comes to that topic you may be a tad exasperated, but be thankful you do not live in Peru. Citizens have tossed out two presidents in the past four years, but that's nothing compared to this week. “Peruvians watched in hope as the nation's third president in just over a week was sworn in to office Tuesday, promising to restore trust in government after the worst constitutional crisis in two decades.” Three presidents in one week! How does that transition process work? (https://www.newser.com/story/298903/peru-has-its-3rd-president-in-a-week.html)
Another sure fire topic will be COVID-19. You know how health experts are telling you to go outside? Well, when you do there is some unsettling news. According to a study done in Spain: “Walking your pet dog may raise your risk of catching coronavirus by 78 per cent. Researchers suggested “...dogs could be catching the virus and spreading it, or transporting it by touching contaminated surfaces in public and then their owners.”
My wife, Ann, says this does not worry her because we don't own a dog. The only thing in our house she takes on daily walks is me and I'm on a pretty short leash. (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8954431/Do-dogs-spread-coronavirus-Spanish-study-finds-owners-78-higher-risk-catching-it.html)
You know, even if you hose down Fido after a walk you may not be in the clear . Does this sound familiar? You wash your hands and then grab your phone. In a word – yuck! “Americans check their phones nearly 100 times a day — at least once every 10 minutes — and touch it an average of 2,617 times during waking hours. That’s a whole lot of chances for some gross germy thing to hop, skip, or jump from your smartphone to your skin (or worse, straight into your mouth).” It's a “ huge flaw in our infection-prevention scheme.” What to do? There are some handy ways to disinfect your phone at: https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/columnist/2020/10/26/how-wash-your-phone-coronavirus-pandemic-disinfectant/6032940002/.
This Thanksgiving the wearing of masks will be the fashion statement of the day. However, there is a small glitch related to this. “While the overwhelming majority of people have been doing their part to wear masks and stop the spread, one specific demographic has run into a few complications while wearing the accessory -- specifically, the bespectacled. As anyone who wears glasses can tell you, it is virtually impossible to walk, run or so much as breathe while wearing a mask/glasses combo without fogging the lenses up.”
Yahoo News has come up with a home made hack to combat this. “In order to give this hack a try, you will need a Swiffer pad, double-sided tape and a pair of scissors. All you have to do is cut your Swiffer pad and tape it over the bridge of your nose. The pad sits under your mask and prevents hot air (aka your breath) from reaching your glasses.” Warning! Rush to the store right now. There is bound to be Swiffer pad hoarding for this high fashion look. (https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/trick-prevent-glasses-fogging-while-172553056.html)
Another thing different about this Thanksgiving is that many students will be on an extended stay at home. This may be a downer for them, but they should feel fortunate that they don't live in France. Parents there have come up with a unique way to “take” their kids to school – hurl them through the air and over the schoolyard fence.
“An elementary school in France put up a pair of posters outside their fence with an unusual request for parents: Don't throw late students over the closed gate. It put up signs outside its gate showing a cartoon of a parent sending a small child airborne to get over the fence. The text on the sign asks parents not to throw their children, and instead wait for the gates to be opened.” I guess this tells you what French parents think of home schooling. (https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2020/11/13/School-asks-parents-to-stop-throwing-late-students-over-closed-gate/8431605304019/)
Speaking of kids, it's always good to have something for them to do after Thanksgiving dinner. How about heading out to that basketball hoop in the driveway to attempt to set a world record? Here's one for them. “The most basketball layups in one minute is 20, and was achieved by Anthony Clairicia (USA) in Irvine, California, USA, on July 12, 2020. “Anthony was looking for way to be productive, play basketball and achieve goals during the Covid-19 pandemic, so he decided to practice every day after his school year ended to set this Guinness World Records title.” (https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/97645-most-basketball-layups-in-one-minute)
Finally, there is some obviously fake news that we are duty-bound to discuss this Thanksgiving. People magazine has named Michael B. Jordan as its “Sexiest Man Alive 2020.”(https://people.com/movies/michael-b-jordan-people-sexiest-man-alive-2020/)
Hold the phone! As every guy in Cadillac will point out this has to be phony baloney. None of us made the list? How can this be? What an egregious oversight!
I have a theory. See, most Cadillac males are so extremely good looking that to publicize that fact would mean the town would be overrun with females flooding into our fair city. It would overtax our local infrastructure, not to mention irritating our significant others (who have already called first dibs). As a public service, we need to stay on the down-low. You know, many people think that being this heart-throb handsome is a beneficial thing, but in actuality it can be a curse. Right guys?