THE NEFF ZONE -- BY JIM NEFF
CADILLACNEWS -- JANUARY 16, 2021
Is your tank empty? Is that how you're feeling, Bunky? Well, there's a name for your condition – emotional exhaustion. You're physically tired. You're mentally tired. You're in a fog. “Emotional exhaustion is a state of feeling emotionally worn-out and drained.” (https://www.healthline.com/health/emotional-exhaustion)
Well, if this is your state of being, perhaps a respite is in order. Inhale. Exhale. Take a few minutes to focus on things that have little (or no) meaning at all. You know, oddball stuff.
For example, are the kidlings getting on your nerves? Are your relatives driving you daffy? If so, I have a house that may be the answer to your prayers. “A home for sale in Vermont is garnering attention for an unusual feature -- seven jail cells in what was formerly a county jail. The jail, attached to the north wall of the home, includes seven cells with barred windows.”
Think about this. What better place for a kid's “time out” than a stint in the cooler? If Uncle Zelmo spouts off banish him to the slammer. Meanwhile, you can relax. “The home also includes four bedrooms, two bathrooms and an updated kitchen with stainless steel appliances.” For $149,000 it's a steal! (https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2020/12/30/House-for-sale-in-Vermont-includes-seven-jail-cells/9331609364552/)
While you're relaxing, having something on comfy your feet is a good idea. It may surprise you to learn that Crocs are making a comeback. “Crocs said it expects sales in 2021 to accelerate as much as twenty-five percent. The shoe maker said it’s now calling for fourth-quarter sales to rise roughly fifty-five percent amounting to between $407 million and $410 million.”
You might wonder why there is this resurgence. “Crocs, once shunned by the fashion industry, has especially benefited during the Covid pandemic from being known for comfort.” Now go dig those discarded Crocs out of your closet because you can now be a fashion plate. (https://www.cnbc.com/2021/01/11/crocs-shares-soar-on-raised-sales-outlook-through-2021.html)
If you're feeling magnanimous, you could give some other tortured soul a pair of Crocs. However, if you want to have some fun, you might put the gift in a Prank-o box. Why? “They’re the boxes for screamingly funny, hilariously awful, but scarily plausible products that don’t really exist. The photography, typography and layout of these boxes are perfect. They look exactly like the cheesiest products you’d buy from TV infomercials.”
The boxes depict fictional products, including: the Pasta Recycler, a First Diaper Keepsake Frame, a Liquor Vest, My First Fire, and an Earwax Candle Kit. Gift recipients will be tricked by the fake box, which will provide you with maximum entertainment value. See them all at: https://pranko.com/.
Speaking of comedy, nothing is better for a good laugh than dumb crooks. One recent pair gave new meaning to the phrase “turn yourself in.” In Britain, “two burglars have been arrested after accidentally calling the police on themselves.”
Here's what happened. Staffordshire police confirmed they arrested the pair after receiving a call from one of them, who unwittingly sat on his phone. “Officers said they listened in to the call as the men carried out the burglary and could even hear their colleagues arrive to make the arrests. I think we have just arrested the world’s unluckiest burglars.”
Police issued an amusing press release. “Whilst committing a burglary one of the bungling burglars accidentally sat on his phone and dialed 999. We received a call detailing all of their antics.” I guess it's appropriate that in a case like this your fanny gets thrown in jail. (https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/jan/07/suspected-burglars-arrested-after-calling-police-by-accident)
As long as you're lounging around you may as well learn something. It turns out that many Michiganders don't know how to pronounce the places in their own state. A Detroit Free Press article identified twenty-five of the places that are mispronounced most often. “For our purposes, we pulled out notable Michigan roads and destinations you're probably not saying right. Use this as a guide for your next Michigan road trip - or just to show off to your family and friends how smart you are.”
The list will surprise you. It includes: Mackinac (Mack-in-awe), Sault Ste. Marie (Sue Saint Marie), Ypsilanti (ip-sill-ann-tee), Kitch-iti-kipi Springs (kitch-iti-kip-ee), Houghton (ho-ten), Gaylord (gay-lerd), Lake Gogebic (goh-ghib-ick) , and Bois Blanc Island (Bob-low). (https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/2018/06/27/how-pronounce-michigan-words/737438002/)
Now, here's an idea. Gather your family and play a “Michigan Pronunciation Game.” The State of Michigan can help with this. “The state has a full database of pronunciations for cities, townships, street names and even famous people. It's complete with quick audio files so you can listen for yourself how things are pronounced.” You can find this at: https://www.michigan.gov/leo/0,5863,7-336-94422_28313_54234-401841--,00.html.
Finally, something that is just plain fun – Old Movie Stars Dance To Uptown Funk. This is a YouTube video at: https://youtu.be/M1F0lBnsnkE. In it are dance scenes from classic movie clips set to modern music. The amazing part is that none of the movies are later than 1953 and yet none of the clips was sped up or slowed down. This will leave the whole family smiling.